ALL I WANT IS YOU
by cancellationbedammed
Summary: Just a simple sweet one off about what happened after the engagment party. Its all about Jeddie.Per your request I did a chapter 2! If you want more let me know...thx for all your support! Keep the reviews coming! I dont own the characters ABC does...
1. Chapter 1

The engagement party was finally over and Janet could retreat to her house. Well it used to be a retreat, a place to find solace from the unkindness and insensitivity she was subjected to on a daily basis. But now it was haunted, even tainted by Rooster, a jar of moonshine and her mistakes. Her home was more of a hiding place now, a series of rooms and corners whose sole purpose was her isolation. A place she desired and dreaded with equal measure. She had kept up a brave front all day, lied to Hannah, avoided Rooster, made sure everyone had a drink in hand. It was the keeping busy that made the day possible. Every time she had a moment to herself to think her mind went back to her and Eddie in the hospital, her and Rooster in her bed, all the horrible things that Eddie said kept replaying in her head. "Go find a place to ROT!" His words mixed with flashes of Rooster kissing her and then waking up next to him in bed assaulted her mind until she felt physical pain. But when it was finally over and she walked thru her front door, her walls and reserve finally crumbled and the tears came, hot, torrential tears. Exhausted Janet wrapped her self in one of Eddie's flannels, the soft worn fabric, the blue and grey plaid and the faint scent of Eddie was a comfort. She finally crashed on her sofa, wishing she could stomach a few shots to numb the growing pain. Finally surrendering Janet cried herself to sleep hoping she would know what to do tomorrow.

Eddie tossed and turned all night, despite the pain in his muscles and bones. He felt like a caged animal, wild and hungry for blood. All he wanted to do was get out of his damned hospital bed and beat Rooster to a bloody pulp but he was tethered by a thin plastic tube to his bed. The idea made him laugh to himself, the only thing keeping all hundred and ninety pounds of him in bed, was a tube, a clear plastic tube. Something so small and unseen but there, powerful. Eddie wanted to keep the anger for Rooster close, it forced the pain and the sadness he felt for Janet out of the forefront of his mind. When he would allow it to seep back in, the thoughts were the same. How could she? How could she give another man his world, his home his peace. The first and only girl her had ever really cared about and even possibly loved. And she threw it all away. Eddie never understood the concept of heartbreak, but now he felt so empty and lost. And like a rush of wind, all the sadness that Janet had managed to chase away for him all came back. His love for Janet, lingering in his body like a song you only know the melody to but not the words. A hum that flowed through him. Something so small and unseen but there, powerful.

The morning sun is a bitch, a cold hearted bitch. Janet was lingering in between awake and asleep. Her body ached from the sofa, her heart ached for her Eddie and her mind ached for her stupidity. The door bell rang, the sharp piercing twang echoed off the walls, for a split second Janet allowed her self to pretend it was Eddie, with bagels and coffee and an eager kiss for her in the doorway. She smiled in spite of herself. Wrapping his flannel around her tighter she made her way to the door.

"Good, Morning Janet." Hannah cheerful voice turned Janet's stomach. She was there with coffee and an armload of bridal magazines in hand. They did have a wedding to plan after all. It took about two seconds for Hannah to realize Janet's condition. "Janet, what's going on?" Tears sprang into Janet's weary eyes and then it all clicked into place. "So I guess Eddie didn't take it well after all?"

"No… Hannah. He didn't. He said hateful awful things and I deserved every single one of them." The tears flowed without restraint. Hannah set down her coffee and magazines, wrapping her arms around her best friend.

"It's going to be ok Janet, I know Eddie he is not going to stay mad forever." Hannah tried to console Janet the best she could, it was odd for Hannah being in this side of the hug. Historically it had always been the other way around, Hannah crying and Janet consoling. "You need to go back and talk to him, now that he has had time to mull…"

"Mull?"

"Yes, mull."

"He is so beyond mulling, It told me to go and find a place to rot and that he was rejecting me. The tone of his voice Hannah, I have never seen him like that before."

"Its because he loves you."

"No he doesn't. If he really loved me we would not have been kissing Rory two days ago."

"Janet, he does love you, he is just to stupid to realize it.

He spent hours just staring out the window, grateful that he was the only patient in his room. He had not slept all night, just thinking about Janet. How she laughed, how she smelled like summer and sugar, how the light caught her hair the first time he kissed her at Sully's. He though about how she made him feel and how being close to her was usually the most important thing to him. He would spend hour after hour working at Best Friend Windows waiting like a kid at Christmas for the day to be over so he could find her and just sit near her, hear her voice, hold her, kiss her. The more he thought about how much he needed her, how attached her had become the angrier he would become. What was he going to do now?

"There he is! How are you doing there buddy?" Big O made his way to the hospital room, bag of food in hand. "I brought you a sub from Murph's. Meatball your favorite." Owen noticed the distant look in Eddie's eyes and the fact that he looked worse today then he did yesterday.

"Thank O, If you don't mind I'll eat it later. The pain meds, you know killed my appetite." Eddie voice was low and raw.

"Eddie, what goes on you seem… off?"

"Well, I got my ass kicked O."

"Yeah, but that's not what I am talking about. This is more of a soul thing then a body one."

"Janet and I… we broke up yesterday." He stared off into the window, tears breaking the corners of his eyes.

"You what?" Owen was beyond shocked. "What happened?"

Eddie wanted to tell him about Rooster and how Janet cheated, but he couldn't bring himself to do it.

"I told her about kissing Rory, and it all fell apart after that."

"Eddie, man I am so sorry. Janet she has always been so sensitive when it comes to you. Give her time, she will forgive you. That girl, she loves you."

"Nahhh man, its over and done. And really its for the best. Like I told you in the beginning, I ever knew when it was going to end and now I do." Eddie fought back the tears that wanted to come "Anyway, did they arrest Matt and his goons yet?"

"Yes, Steve picked them up this morning. I want to see if Ray posts bail."

"Hannah Jane! Please be reasonable. I just couldn't leave three members of my crew rotting in jail."

"Ray, they beat the crap out of Eddie, he could have died!"

"Latekka is a big boy and he clocked Matt a few weeks back. What goes around comes around."

"NO ray. No. Matt and Eddie was one on one. This was a three on one beat down. I can't believe you sometimes." Hannah was in a rage, over the years Eddie had always been there for her and Sam and for Ray to bail them out was unacceptable.

"You're really mad at me Hannah Jane." ray was in shock. He was usually able to subdue Hannah before she got to this point and he felt like he was losing control.

"Ray, you should go. NOW!"

"Hannah Jane." He pleaded trying to take her hand.

"Now Ray OUT!" Ray realizing her had over played his hand stormed out slamming the door behind him.

"Mom, are you ok?" Sam asked coming down the stairs?

"Yea, Rockstar. I'm good. "

"I think Ray was in on it."

"Sam, no. Ray wouldn't…"Hannah couldn't bring herself to finish the sentence she knew would be a lie.

"Yes, a he would. I want to go see Eddie, will you take me."

"Of course, get your jacket."

"Hey there Sam." Eddie's personality did a 180 when Sam walked into his room. "Hannah" he nodded

"Eddie, how are you feeling?" Sam was fascinated by the cuts and stitches.

"Like I got hit by a Mack truck buddy."

"Do they have you on pain meds?"

"Yeah they do." Sam smiled at him, and it made Eddie actually feel better.

"You know, they arrested Matt today. I was delivering my papers this morning and I saw Steve haul him out of his house. It was awesome." Eddie just nodded.

"Hey Rockstar?" Hannah finally spoke. "Can you give Eddie and me a few minutes" The smiled dropped from Eddie face.

"Sure Mom. See you later Eddie."

"Hannah, don't I really dot care to hear it."

"Eddie, I really don't care what you want." Hannah could feel her temper rising, her mama bear coming out and she knew that wouldn't work with Eddie. "What Janet did… it was awful. But Eddie you put her on that path."

"What?" Eddie was beyond pissed "I put her in bed with Rooster? You know Hannah you have got some stones!"

"Eddie, you know Janet. She has ALWAYS been a ball of insecurities where you are concerned. Rory shows up, you lie and go radio silent and the you KISS her. I mean really on your front porch for ALL of the Ridge to see. So Janet called Rooster, her friend who she trusted. The friend who always told her how amazing she was and how lucky he was to know her. And then you know what he did Eddie? He got her drink on moonshine. He was sober and she was loaded and sad and heartbroken and thinking that you were in bed with Rory. She though that you and she were over. Does that sound familiar?"

Eddie felt sick, the idea of Janet in that state of mind, in that condition. "She was drunk?" he was finally able to choke out.

"She was wasted Eddie, she barely remembers what happened." Eddie closed his eyes, tears burning. "and what you said to her, how could you?" Hannah voice was seething " Janet doesn't have a mean bone in her body. You should have seen her this morning. I haven't seen her like this… since her parent died." Hannah knew she was playing dirty but it felt necessary.

"Hannah, I don't know what you want me to say." Eddie was already haunted buy what he said to Janet that morning. And the thought of her in pain now was overwhelming.

"Well you better think of something."

"No Hannah no, Its over." Eddie was trying to convince himself.

"You are really something else Eddie. Janet is the best thing that could ever happen to your sorry, whoring, waste of life ass. And the worst part is that SHE doesn't think she is good enough for YOU!" Hannah stormed out of his room, leaving Eddie with a heavy heart and a cluttered conflicted mind.

Three days later, Janet was back behind the bar at Sully's. Hell, that is what the last seventy-two hours had been for Janet. Food nor drink would soothe her, sleep would not find her. They days and nights were long, never ending stretches of pain. She would replay every moment she and Eddie had ever spent together good or bad. She wandered around her house, aimless without purpose or plan. She finally couldn't take the confinement anymore and made her way back to Sully's. She had called in for three days, something she had not done in the almost ten years she had worked there. She had said she had the flu and when she finally walked in, Sully almost believed the lie. She looked sick and rundown. She did her best to avoid Rooster but he was relentless.

"Janet, you cant just ignore me." He whined

"Um, yes I can." She walked passed him, like he was made of glass. He grabbed her arm and pulled her to him.

"Janet please, just talk to me."

"You want to talk! You watched me get drunk on moonshine and you took advantage of me. I trusted you, you were my friend, I thought you would look out for me because I have ALWAYS looked out for you. If you don't leave me alone I am going to have to quit."

"That wont be necessary." Sully's voice was booming angry behind them. He had heard everything. "Rooster you are fired. You can pickup your last check on Friday." Janet was shocked.

"I'm what!'

"Your fired, now take your hands off of Janet and get the Hell out of my bar."

Rooster released Janet's arm, took of his apron throwing it to the floor and stormed out of Sully's.

"Sully, thank you but you didn't have…"Janet's voice was choked and she was holding back tears.

"You're like a daughter to me Meadows, he's lucky I didn't kick the crap out of him. Now get back to work."

Eddie was finally back at 32 Gelson. It felt good to be un-tethered to his hospital bed and back at home, in his own bed. If only it wasn't tainted by Janet, she was ever where. Her things hanging in his closet, soap in his bathroom, her favorite cereal on his counter, the new sheets she bought for his bed, her books scattered in his room. He couldn't escape her and the worst part is he didn't want to. He liked to touch her things, imagine her using them, wondering if she would ever hold them again. Wondering if he would ever hold her again. Eddie finally gave up the fight, the wandered down to the living room and sat on his sofa.

"Eddie can I get you something?" Phil had felt so helpless, not being able to go to the hospital.

"Nah Phyz, I'm good thanks though."

"So… Owen told me about you and Janet."

"I really don't want to talk about it."

"I know, I know. But if it makes you feel better Pizza Girl said that Janet is a mess. She has been working non-stop since Sully fired rooster…"

"Sully fired Rooster?" A small spark of joy burst thru Eddie, well at least she won't have to be around him everyday.

"Yeah, something about customer complaints. Anyway she has been working non-stop, wont talk to anyone except Hannah. You know she is living at Hannah's now."

"She's what? What about Big Cat?'

"Well Hannah got smart and realized that ray was in on your beat down. They broke up and Janet moved in."

Eddie, got really quiet. Janet loved her house, she must not want to be there after what happened.

"A lot can change in a week."

"It sure can."

"You sure know a lot for a guy who never leaves the house."

"I don't think this is a good idea guys." They all stood in the parking lot at Sully's, it had been weeks and they really wanted to get Eddie and Janet in the same place at the same time.

"What you're never going to go to Sully's again?" Owen questioned patting Eddie on the back.

"You guys were friends before, maybe you can be friends again." Nick offered nudging Eddie inside.

Eddie reluctantly walked into the bar, his place. No it was their place now. Nearly everything that made Janet and Eddie, Janet and Eddie happened in Sully's. Those long nights, when he hung back and watched her close up the bar, they would talk and drink a few shots. When he realized that he liked her and asked her out on a maybe date, when his first kissed her and watcher her twirl. When he kissed her at homecoming, hell they even had their first fight about going to Providence in Sully's.

His eyes darted around the room, looking for her, longing to see her. Now that he was so close he was hungry for her. They locked eyes and she saw the pain flash across her face. She looked… sad, even empty. She had lost weight but not in a good way, she looked gaunt. She was the first to break eye contact. Seeing him was just too much.

"Why don't you guys go get a booth and I will grab the drinks." Owen offered trying to break the chill of the moment.

"Hey Owen, what can I get you guys?" Janet put on the façade that had served her well these last weeks.

"Around of shots and beers and an order of wings."

"Coming right up O" Janet was trying her best to hold it together.

"Janet.' Owen lowered his voice to a whisper "Are you ok?" Oh crap, he was trying to be nice.

"Yeah." She was able to choke out."

"I don't know what goes on with you two. But you need to talk to him."

"He didn't tell you?"

"Nope, just that you broke up." The realization that after all that she had done Eddie was still protecting her, her resolve finally broke. And the tears ran down her face.

"Owen, I… Excuse… " Janet ran out through the back of the bar.

"What did you say?" Eddie had watched it all go down and he was a mix of emotions.

"Eddie, I already feel like crap. Let it go."

"You made her cry." Eddie accused thru gritted teeth.

"I don't think it was ME that was making her cry."

Eddie stormed away form the table making his way towards Janet.

The pain was overwhelming, Janet's body could bare anymore. All she wanted was some relief and just when she thought there was some light at the end of this dark awful tunnel something else would happen. She braced herself against the wall hand on her knees, unable to hold up her own body weight. Sobbing.

He watched her for a moment, she looked like a broken bird, he ached for her. God he ached.

"Jem." His voice shocked her.

"Eddie." She wiped away her tears and straightened up " Please just go away." he voice pleading

"Come on Janet, le me…"

"Let you what Eddie?" Her eyes filled with tears again. "let you what?"

He took a few steps towards her and he could see her body tighten. He opened his arms to her, and she walked into them, resting her head against his chest. His arms wrapped around her and they both let out a collective sigh,. She cried against him, deep sobs and tears slid from his eyes and fell onto the top of her head.

"Eddie, I am so sorry, you have no idea."

"Shhh, baby. I know. I am sorry too. I wish we could go back."

"I do to Eddie, I do too but we cant."

"I should have told you."

"About Rory?" Janet whispered

"No, Jem. I should have told you that I loved you."

Janet's heart broke, Eddie loved her. Everything that she needed to hear he finally said but it was too late.

"I wouldn't have believed you, even if you did.

"Janet?' His voice was raw.

"I would have always believed that you deserved better then me, someone like Rory or…"

"Janet, that is so not true. You are the most amazing woman I have ever known, you are so special and perfect. I was just scared… of needing you. I am used to being the person people need but needing someone not so much."

"Eddie I wish I could take that night back."

"Hannah told me what happened."

"She what?"

"She told me about the moonshine, and Rooster and what he said to you… All the things I should have said."

"Eddie, please I can't…"

"Can't what.. Do this?' eddie could barely get the words out.

"No, I can't." Janet started to cry again.

"Either can I. Janet maybe we can try to be friends?" Friends the word hung in the air "Janet we were friends for years, and I cant imagine my life without you in."

"Friends, no Eddie we cant. Our friendship was me watching you take random girls home and pouring you shots. And I cant do that again.

"Janet…' he was begging

"Look, let try to not be enemies. Ok lets try that." Janet did her best to smile.

"Ok Janet, Ok." Sensing that there was nothing else to say Eddie turned to walk away.

"Eddie, Thanks for not telling the guys what happened"

"It's no ones business." And with that Eddie was gone.

The rest of the night was a blur, and when 2:00am came it was Ikey who hung around to make sure Janet got home ok.

"Ikey, you really don't have to"

"I know Janet, but Eddie didn't want you here alone and he was in no condition to do it."

"Is he in a lot of pain?"

"Yeah, and not just his ribs, You know what I'm sayin."

"Ikey, I can't.."

"Ahhhh, no worries, I am just gonna hang in the booth and wait for you."

"Thanks Ikey, you're a really good friend."

"Not really Janet, but I am trying. You know… "

"Good Morning Sam" Janet said from the stove as she flipped a batch of pancakes.

"Mmmm smells yummy."

"Blueberry, sit Hannah, they coffee is already made and on the table."

"Girl did you sleep yet?"

"Honestly, no. Eddie came into the bar last night.'

"Shut up!"

"Yeah, at first it was awful but then we talked."

"Talking is good, very good. "This was the first glimmer of hope and Hannah was excited.

"We decided that we couldn't be friends, but that we didn't have to be enemies either."

"Oh, J am sorry." And the glimmer was gone.

"It's ok Hannah, really. It was for the best. I mean where was it going I doubt down the aisle. Better that its over now and move on."

"You don't really believe that do you? I mean Really?" Janet ignore the question and pretended to check the second batch of pancakes on the stove.

"Mom?" Sam interrupted "Is it ok if I go to town after breakfast?"

"Sure, are you going to take your bike/" Sam on his bike always gave Hannah a moment of pause since his accident.

"Uh, yeah."

"Ok, just be Careful."

"Thanks for the pancakes Janet. Its fun having you here. You are a huge improvement on Ray and the twins." Hannah and Janet laughed.

"So what are you going to do about Ray?"

"I really have no idea. There are two very different side to Ray. The one he shows me and the one you all see. But when he bailed them out the two side collided and I saw him for what he really was."

" I know I still cant believe he posted bail"

"Deep down I know he had something to do with it and I can't shake the fear… what is ray capable of? And then there is Nick looming out there."

"Looming?"

"Yes, He and Aubrey broke up."

"When did this happen?"

"Oh Janet, you didn't hear, Aubrey kissed Ronnie at the engagement party and now she is confused?"

"RONNIE Holy Crap!"

"I know, like can we have a little more drama, If it weren't for Pizza girl and Phil I wouldn't even believe in the possibility or existence of love."

"Well thank god for Phys and PG."

Sam pulled his bike up to Best Friend Windows, he was on a mission. He had to set Eddie straight about Janet once before and he was going to do it again.

"Hey, little man. What goes on?" Nick asked happy to see Sam.

"I am not here to see you today Nick. I am here to see him.' He said pointing at Eddie.

"Me?"

"Yup, what goes on with you and Janet?"

"Excuse me?"

"You and Janet?" Sam said really slowly, Nick laughed "What goes on? I mean you love her right? You got over yourself and she forgave you for whole BBQ thing. You make her happy and she makes you…human. So I don't get it?" This kid has some stones, and he loved getting into other peoples kitchens, he must be Nick's kid Eddie thought before answering him.

"Well Sam, that's because you are eleven."

"So, I am eleven and you know what I can tell you more about Janet then you can tell me."

"You have no idea what's going on. You are out of your depth with this one"

"Yes I do. You, Janet, Rory, Rooster." Nick could not believe his ears, something had gone on with Rooster and Janet." . I live with her Eddie, she cries all the time. And this morning she was up at 7am making pancakes. Janet Meadows is never up on a Saturday before 11 and today pancakes. She makes pancakes when she is sad and thinking about her parents. And they were blueberry, her moms favorite. So what she made a mistake, you have made hundreds of them…"

"Sam that's enough I am serious." Eddie was losing what was left of patience.

"You don't deserve her, and the worst part is she doesn't think she deserves you." Sam turned around leaving Eddie and Nick with their mouths agape,

"The stones on that kid Nicky, you sure he's not yours"

"Ya think? Eddie what he said about Rooster." Eddie tightened at the sound of his name.

"Put it in the vault Nick"

"Ok, but.."

"No, I am serious, vault. And I don't want to talk about it."

"Hey Owen, what can I get you"

"Wings Please you know how I like them?"

"Coming up!" Janet had always liked Owen, he was sweet and kind and always saying the right things.

"So how you doing kid?"

"Hanging in there. How are things with you and Allison?"

"There, um better, not great but better. Things take time you know." She caught on that he was meaning her and Eddie too.

"yeah Owen but you and Allison what to put the time in. You guys are in love and have kids. It makes a difference."

"Yeah but.."

"Please don't Owen or I am going to cut off your extra bleu cheese crumbles." Janet chuckled

"Ok Janet, I surrender. So are you going to Spring Fling?"

"Um yeah! Everyone goes to Spring Fling in the ridge."

Hannah and Janet walked thru the Spring Fling Festival, It had been six weeks since the engagement party, and the feeling in the air set the mood for change.

"So what do you think J, subs or funnel cake?" Janet thought for a moment.

"I am thinking fried Oreos and beer!"

"Good, call my friend, good call. "The two friends linked arms and made their way to the Oreo line when Janet spotted Rory. Tall, perfect, blonde, beautiful, scantily clad Rory

"On second thought maybe subs." Janet whispered.

"yeah , Subs sound good to me." Hannah said having Janet's back. And then in slow motion, Janet and Hannah watched Eddie hand Rory a beer and a lump formed in Janet's throat.

"Hannah I think I am just going to head out." Janet's voice cracked.

"Janet, do go."

"No I can't…" As Janet turned to walk away she ran right into rooster.

"Janet, I have been looking for you can we please talk?" the anger she had for him had been building for weeks fueled by seeing Rory and Eddie she finally couldn't hold back anymore.

"No Rooster, we can't TALK! So stop calling me and sending me texts, don't come by after my shifts anymore, stop coming to my house. LEAVE ME ALONE! "Janet was yelling and drawing attention from the crowd including Eddie. "You are really freaking me out now. Everywhere I go there you are and I have had enough of it!"

"Janet, please you and Eddie are done, there is no reason why you and I cant give it a try."

"No Rooster, Enough…" Janet turned to walk away and Rooster grabbed her arm.

"Janet please just talk to me, I can make you see that we are perfect…"

"Rooster, let me go you are hurting me."

"Rooster, get you hands off of her NOW." Eddie growled.

"Oh, look Hail Eddie to the rescue." Rooster released Janet. "but where were you when she really needed you? Oh that's right you were with her." Rooster was yelling now and pointed at Rory "Well I was there for her, I am the one who loves her. And you are just the guy who used her until something better came along."

Eddie had enough, he punched Rooster square in the jaw sending him reeling backwards and falling to the ground with a thud.

"You call what you did being there for her. Letting her get wasted like that and taking advantage of her. And let me tell you one more thing there is nothing or no one better the Janet, you're the only one who seems to think so. If you go near her again Russo, this will look like a happy memory…"

Janet just stood there as the whole town looked on. Eddie extended his hand to her "Come on Jem lets go"

In a daze Janet took his had and they walked away together.

"Eddie,"

"I don't want to take anymore, let me just take you home ok. You are shaking."

"I cant believe that just happened."

"Yeah, that was not ideal"

"Um understatement."

"Why didn't you tell me that Rooster was still bugging you"

"Eddie, we have not really been speaking."

"Well then Ikey or Owen."

"I was embarrassed."

"Russo should have been not you."

"Eddie, he didn't rape me, I trusted him, I got drunk, he took advantage. I didn't say no, I even kissed him first. He is not the villain I am."

"No Janet regardless, he should never have taken you to bed. You were sad and broken and drunk. And I am so sorry that I am the one who got this ball rolling. I should have just told you Rory was in town…"

"Oh, Rory, you just left her at the fling."

"yeah, so"

"You were on a date Eddie, that's messed up."

"We were not on a date, she was with Mike Harris."

"Yeah, so…"

"Well I just assumed that you were on a date."

"And that is the problem you assume things. You need to ask not assume. Do you really think I would be dating six weeks after we broke up?"

"Well yes, I just assumed you were."

"There is that word again. You have changed me J. I cant imagine going back to the life I had before you.

Tears formed in the corners of Janet's eyes. "Either can I"

"So why are we apart?"

"I thought that's what you wanted."

"I want you Janet, all I want is you."

Eddie brushed away a tear from her cheek and touched his lips to hers, their gentile kiss started a spark that caused a fire as his mouth captured hers. Breathless and wanting more Janet looked into his eyes and whispered.

"Well that you can have.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2:

Eddie and Janet drove in a comfortable, easy silence. They both knew that there was so much that needed to be said and worked out. There would be tears, and yelling but in this moment, in the safe cocoon of his truck, they were in a bubble of content. And for a few miles they could enjoy it, knowing it would not last. Eddie longed to touch her, to reassure himself that she was real, that this was happening. He reached across and grabbed her hand, bringing it to his lips and placed a gentle kiss on her palm. He ran his nose along her wrist and allowed her perfume to trigger all the memories he tried to chase away the last six weeks. Scent was always able to bring Eddie back to a person or a place. Fresh cut grass in the spring, reminded him of his father, working beside him landscaping the Ridge on weekends, before he passed away. The fake powdery aroma of orange Tang reminded him of Angela Ferelli and summer time with his friends when he was nine. Peanut butter cookies baking in the oven, well that was all Janet, in her kitchen, hair piled up on her head, wearing an apron.

He kissed her hand once more and then laced his fingers with hers, and gently rested their joined hands on his thigh.

Janet exhaled deeply, just happy to be sitting where she was sitting. Her mind still racing. Did that really just happen? Did Eddie just defend her honor, what was left of it anyway? Replaying the showdown at Spring Fling gave her hope, something that was lost to her these last six weeks. When Eddie grabbed her hand, her entire body reacted. The sensation started in her finger tips and radiated through her, warming her from the outside in. His touch always elicited such a response but tonight it was so much more because she had a greater understanding of what she had lost. She fought the desire to lean over and kiss him not sure where this was headed. Not daring to dream or hope.

Eddie pulled up to 32 Gelson. "I thought we could talk here." He saw the look of surprise that spread across her face. She thought they were headed back to Hannah's, a neutral place with no karma. "If that's ok…" Janet smiled at him and gave his hand a squeeze, unsure but willing.

They walked hand in hand up the front steps, passing the porch swing. Janet's eyes lingered on it for a few moments. The pain she felt watching Eddie and Rory as they kissed flashed thru her like a jolt of electricity. She stilled there, frozen and unable to move. Eddie felt her stop, and turned. The look on Janet's face made his heart break, in that moment he knew what she was thinking. He had never allowed himself to imagine how Janet felt driving by his house watching him kiss another women. Rory of all people. The pain, the anger, the sadness, the rejection and the self-loathing she must have felt. It must have been consuming and overwhelming paired with the fact that he had gave her the Hysman all day. His stomach turned with regret.

"Jem, lets go inside." He whispered gently pulling her to the door.

She followed him in, Phil and Pizza Girl snuggled on the sofa engrossed in Teen Wolf, one of their guilty pleasure movies. They both turned their heads when they heard the door open, but before they could open their mouths to speak Eddie shot them a look. A look that meant NOT A WORD. They both looked on in silence with huge smiles on their faces as Eddie and Janet made their way up the stairs hand in hand.

Janet walked into Eddie's bedroom, it was a place that always felt like home, despite the long line of women who had come before her. Her eyes darted around, she was shocked that all her things were still there, her books, perfume, her robe still hanging on the closet door. She also noticed two large holes in the sheetrock. It took her a few moments to realize what caused them. Eddie fists. He was always quick to anger, fast to the fight, fast to defend. It was one of the best and worst things about him. His ultimate strength and his greatest weakness. A wave of exhaustion flowed over her. She sat on the edge of Eddie's bed not knowing what to do next.

He just watched her, fighting the parts of his mind and body that wanted to kiss her, rip off her clothing and be inside of her again. Making any memory of Rooster and Rory disappear. He leaned against his bedroom door, arms crossed over his chest, trying to keep as much space between them as possible. He was trying to figure out what to say, what to do. Janet could sense his trepidation. "Eddie, we don't have to do this tonight, if it's… too much. It's been a long day. I get it." She was twirling one of her long curls around her finger, a nervous habit. She stood up to leave and Eddie body jumped off the door.

"No Janet, it's not that. I just… I want… I just want you so much right now. You have no idea. But I know it's not the right time." Janet nodded nervously, her mind in overdrive. Giddy, elated, joyful…Eddie wanted her again. "I am fighting with my mind and my body right now." He stood there looking lost, shoving his hands in his pockets in an effort to contain them.

"No, I understand. Trust me I do." Janet giggled nervously, and that was his undoing. The sweet sound of her giggle, matched with the lingering scent of her perfume, standing in his bedroom, twirling her hair, he was just a man after all.

"Oh, the hell with it." He got to her in two steps wrapping his arms around her, his mouth crashing against hers. A hungry kiss, he wanted to take in every part of her he could. Janet leaned into him, folding her arms around his waist. His mouth traveled to her neck, an involuntary moan escaped from her mouth urging him on. He stepped away from her and removed his jacket and tee shirt. His yellowed bruises were still visible, Janet reached out and gently brushed her finger across them. He closed his eyes, the sensation of her soft touch was almost too much for him to take. Next he kicked off his boots and again his hands were on Janet, unbuttoning her blouse and slowly sliding it down her shoulders, tossing it to the floor. His calloused hands traveled over her smooth skin, remembering. He nudged her back to the bed laying her down gently, his mouth on hers. She wanted to get lost with him, forget all that had happened. Imagine a place where Rooster and Rory didn't exist but she couldn't. Something deep inside of Janet froze, a voice telling her to stop. She pulled away from him and rolled on her side.

"Eddie, I can't do this." Confused and hurt Eddie sat up. Janet grabbed one of his flannels on the chair next to his bed and slipped it on. She sat on the chair and pulled her knees to chest, tears in her eyes, she quickly wiped them away wanting to be strong.

"Jem…" He knelt beside the chair resting his hands on her feet.

"I just… I don't… I don't trust you Eddie." He felt like she just slapped him in the face. She is the one who slept with another man and she didn't trust him. "I know what I did was awful and you may never forgive me but what you did… it broke something in me.. I never have been able to really trust anyone, its never come easy to me. But you I trusted, despite some bumps early on. I allowed myself to…"Janet's voice trailed off lost in a thought that would never leave her mind. "You lied to me so many times that day, in so many ways. I didn't even equate in your decisions, your choices. Rory was there and all bets were off. I didn't matter at all. I mean, if what you told me is true and she left right after you kissed. There was over an hour before Rooster got to my house. I had to pull over because I was crying so hard, pull myself together and then drive the rest of the way home." Janet had to stop and take a breath, just remembering how she felt in that moment, parked around the corner from Eddie's thinking that he was taking Rory up to his room, the room that she was in right now. The thought suffocated her.

"I finished that bottle of wine in the fridge, I called Hannah and then Rooster and it took him a while to get to me. We talked and I drank. In all that time did you even think to call me. You had basically avoided me all day, did it even cross your mind? Did I even CROSS YOUR MIND?" Janet was sobbing now despite her best efforts. Eddie didn't really know what to say. He didn't have an easy answer, if he thought back to that night, he planned to go to the shop tie up some loose ends, go home and get some sleep and bring Janet bagels and coffee in the morning. He didn't want to tell her that he kissed Rory but he knew he had to. He just wanted to put it off for as long as he could.

Janet felt like she should have known better, men like Eddie will always choose girls like Rory. She knew all this time she was just fooling herself, believing the lies he told her. She wanted something magical to look back on because deep down she knew this thing with Eddie would eventually end and she would settle with who ever came next. They would have a few kids, he would drink to much, she would eat to much. They would fight, pay bills, send the kids to college and everything that goes with life. But when things would get bad, she would have this time, the months she spent with Eddie to look back on, to hold on to. A sepia toned movie reel of what it felt like to really love a man and to almost have him love you back. And it would have to be enough. So she took it for what it was, grateful. And now her question still hung in the air. His silence was all the answer Janet needed. She stood up to leave,

"I have to go." Fear coursed through him.

"No! Janet no, if you leave now we will never work this out." He ran his hand through his hair, scratching the back of his neck. "I don't know why I didn't call or come by, maybe I was ashamed that I kissed her. I didn't want to tell you I kissed her." Eddie felt desperate, his mouth moving faster then his mind, rambling. Finally surrendering, he exhaled, calmed himself. "Honestly Jem I don't know." Janet couldn't even look at him.

"You know when she came by Sully's that day, and started talking to me.."

"She talked to you? I mean you SAW her?" This was news to him.

"Yeah, She came in looking all perfect and being all nice and sweet and then she told me you looked sad Eddie. Sad." The more Eddie learned about this day the worse he felt. "I couldn't imagine what I could have said or done to make you sad."

"I wasn't sad, I was shocked to see her maybe but not sad. When I left your house that morning I was so the opposite of sad. I couldn't wait to get back home to you."

"But you didn't come back home to me" Janet's voice was haunted, she was facing every doubt she had ever had about Eddie loving her. "Why didn't you tell her you were seeing me?"

"I did I told her I was seeing someone."

"Someone, but not me Eddie. Because you were ashamed."

"That's not it, I just didn't…"

"You didn't want to tell the perfect model you were dating the less then perfect barmaid."

"Enough Janet, I don't see you like that. To me you are perfect. I didn't tell her it was you because, I didn't want her going to see you. I knew it would freak you out and I wanted to spare you that. We were in such a good place. But I guess I was too late, she had already done it."

"When?"

"When what?"

"When did you tell her?"

"After we kissed."

"Oh well, sure. After you kissed. Well that makes me feel so much better. Why did you kiss her?'

"I wanted to." He blurted out the anger was building in him, shouldn't he be the angry one here, he stopped, she was the one who didn't. "Seeing her again. The way she left, how we ended things. I always had all these what if questions. What if we had gotten married. What if we had kids. So when I saw her all these feelings came back. Feelings that I put in the vault ten years ago. And we were talking about the past and we kissed. But the second it happened, the moment our lips touched I knew it was you. You're the one I wanted to marry and have kids with." And then it all clicked into Eddies mind why he didn't call or go over to Janet's that night. He was scared. Scared that he finally found the person he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. Scared that he was never going to have sex with another woman again. Scared that he was all in, forever and ever in love with Janet. So instead of running towards it, he ran away from it straight into an ass kicking and sent Janet into bed with another man.

Janet was stunned into silence. She watched Eddie's face she could see him processing everything he had just said. She knew his mouth was moving faster then his mind.

"You haven't forgiven me Eddie." Janet's voice was raw "and you may never forgive me, and I am working like hell to forgive you. But we can't move forward until the forgiveness comes. I couldn't lose you again. If we rush into this, still hurt and angry it will all fall apart again … and I couldn't…"

"Go through all this again, either could I Jem." For a long time no words passed between them, they just sat for a while feeling the weight of everything they had just said. Letting it absorb into their damaged hearts and weary minds. "Janet, please say with me tonight, I haven't slept all these weeks without you." Janet nodded and stood, she slowly removed her jeans, folding them over the chair, leaving on Eddie flannel. Eddie laid down first on his back his arm extended to her. Janet slid into bed next to him resting her head in the crook of his arm, linking her leg over his. He gently rubbed her back as her fingers traced the borders of the fading bruises. He gently kissed her forehead and they drifted off into a peaceful sleep.

Morning came, Janet was the first to wake. Eddie had wrapped himself around her, Janet was on her side, with his head pressed against chest, one arm up over his head around her shoulder and neck, the other draped around her back holding her butt, his legs curled into her. He was hot and heavy and she felt so small lying next to him. She was stiff but didn't want to move, loving his closeness, his vulnerability. She ran her fingers through his hair, he needed a haircut. God, she was thirsty and had to pee, and when was the last time she ate? She never did get that fried Oreo. She shook him gently, and repeated his name trying to wake him. All she succeeded in doing is having him pull her closer and tighter. She laughed to herself, knowing the only way to wake sleeping beauty was with a kiss. She leaned down, but she still couldn't get to his mouth, she wiggled her body down as much as she could and raised his head with her free hand. Gently pressing her lips to his, it took only a moment before he responded, a growl escaped from the back of his throat. In an instant she was on her back, Eddie fully on top of her, Janet's bare legs wrapped around him. The kiss now intense, all consuming. What did I do, start something I can't finish. Her body was awash with sensation, his flannel turned nightgown thrown to the floor, Eddie's bare chest against hers. They were a runaway train nothing and no one could stop them now. He knew he should stop, but he couldn't. Eddie needed her, to find the peace that he only found within Janet. The fullness of her body, the softness of her skin, her eyes that he couldn't bare to look away from. Everything else fell away and all that mattered was this, them and once he was inside of her he knew they would never be parted again.

Janet cried out, unable to contain herself. She had craved him, these weeks. A deep unrelenting longing, that occupied her every thought. Now she was full, with his weight upon her, she felt like she was finally home. When they were apart she had these deep intense dreams. She and Eddie were lying naked in bed, moonlight pouring thru the open windows along with a cool breeze. Eddie was behind her, holding her, running his hands along her body until her reached her belly. Her very pregnant belly. She would try and hold on to these dreams for as long as she could trying to remember every feeling, every detail. When she would wake it was a mix of happiness and tears and the feeling would last her the entire day. She never though his hands would be on her again and now here his was, with her.

They were both incoherent now, no room for thoughts, fears, doubts, or insecurities.

They moved together as one, in perfect tandem. Every second building, to the ultimate descent. Reaching the end together, a never ending moment of pure love. Eddie stilled, no energy left, softly kissing Janet. Her smile as mixed with tears that she had no control over.

"Now, that's what I am talking about." Eddie said with a breathy rasp. Janet laughed, shaking both of their bodies. They look of pure joy and satisfaction on her sweet face, moved something deep in Eddie's soul. It felt as though his soul was wrapping around hers and he no longer knew where his stopped and hers began.

"Janet, marry me?"


	3. Chapter 3

"So is she still here you think?" Pizza Girl asked Phil. She was setting the table, holding up an extra plate. "What do you think Philly…Do I set a place for her?"

It was Sunday Pancake Breakfast Funday, a weekly tradition for the foursome and Janet had been sorely missed.

"I would think that she is still here, just based on the fact that bacon is frying and Eddie has yet to make his way down." Phil said kissing the side of Pizza Girls head.

"Good thinking Philly. My fingers are crossed, my toes too. He has just not been the same without her." Pizza Girl fluttered in between the kitchen and dining room, setting the table, putting out the coffee and juice, syrup and butter until she was pleased with herself.

"Now what?" she asked plopping herself down at the table.

"Now we wait." Phil answered, walking back into the kitchen to finish up the pancake flipping.

For a brief moment Janet thought she was dreaming, that the last half hour had not happened. She thought for sure that she would wake up in Hannah's guest room, wrapped in her childhood quilt, safe but terribly alone. So for a few seconds she just laid there silent, drifting, riding a wave of happiness. She closed her eyes tight trying to hold on all the while waiting for this dream, this wonderful, perfect, soul satisfying dream to end.

"Janet, did you hear me?" Eddie was full of adrenaline, it was pumping through him like a rock song. Bon Jovi or maybe The Boss. Her silence was maddening, every second seemed like an hour. Janet opened her eyes, and the realization that she was in fact not dreaming kicked in as did the weight of Eddie's question. For a second she allowed herself to imagine walking down the aisle to Eddie and a smile spread across her face. Eddie took this as a good sign. But the reality snapped back into Janet's mind, and the smile quickly faded.

"Uh, Eddie you don't mean that you just…" Janet stuttered out. "uh, got carried away."

"No, Janet I do mean it. I want you to be my wife. I am not scared anymore. In fact I am more scared not to have you." The fear that Eddie felt at the thought of Janet not being in his life in that moment was an overwhelming, unrelenting weight.

"Eddie, please." Janet begged, she shifted her body, urging him off of her. He rolled next to her on his back staring at the ceiling. "Please ask me again in six months or even three. But not today. Please not today." Janet couldn't say yes, no matter how much she wanted to. The wounds were too fresh, the forgiveness and trust too far off in the distance.

"So you are saying no." Eddie sounded like a little boy, Janet's heart broke at the sound of his voice. She turned into him, laying on her side. Her head resting on his shoulder.

"No, I am not saying no. But I cant say yes either. And tomorrow you will be grateful that I didn't." Eddie pulled away from her, feeling stupid and rejected.

"Grateful huh, well that's just…I mean…fine…" He went to get up off the bed but Janet wrapped her arms around him, actually it was more like she threw her body over him.

"No, Eddie. Stop! I love you and to be your wife would make me happy. So very happy. The fact that you asked after all that we've been through these weeks, after all I have done. You have no idea what that means to me."

"But?'

"Not today. We need to figure out some of our crap out. Forgive each other, trust each other and move on. Please ask me again and I swear I would marry you on the spot but just not on this day." Deep down Eddie knew she was right, there was much to heal before marriage could come. He had to figure out how to mend that part of Janet the made her feel like she was not worthy, not enough. He had to find out where it started and figure out how to make the insecurity and self-doubt disappear. He turned his body into her, running his had down her cheek. He leaned into her, stopping to look at her for a moment before pressing his lips to hers, wrapping his arm around her pulling her close. "Ok Jem, Ok.' he whispered before he kissed her again. He pulled away from her, taking a deep breath "Baby, do you smell bacon?"

"Good Morning Eddie!" Pizza Girl chirped as he walked into the dining room. "And good morning JANET!" Janet blushed, Eddie took her hand and lead her to the table. Pizza Girl could help bit notice that both Janet and Eddie had wet hair and obviously just took a shower.

"JANET!" Phil yelled as he walked into the dining room with a plate fill of pancakes. "Sit sit, let's eat!" Eddie's stomach was growling, he couldn't remember the last time he ate.

"I am starving Phys." Eddie served Janet first and then Pizza Girl and Phil, before finally filling his plate.

"Oh my god Phil, these are great." Janet moaned and she chewed a mouthful of heaven doused in maple syrup.

"So, Janet it is good to see you here again." Phil said with a smirk. He and Eddie made eye contact. Eddie nodded, to indicate that they were back together.

"It's really good to been seen Phil, really good." Janet smiled at Phil and then at Eddie.

"Janet I have missed you around here, the testosterone and the moping. It's been a real drag." Pizza Girl added, throwing a few more pancakes on her plate.

"She's right Janet, a total drag of epic proportions, our boy here was lost without you."

Janet smiled, and reached over rubbing the back of Eddie neck. He just smiled back at her nodding slightly in agreement.

" I have a great idea! We should do pasta night tonight!" Pizza Girl exclaimed.

"No can do PG, I am taking Janet to that French place tonight." Eddie said not looking up from his plate of pancakes.

"Um, excuse you? We are?"

"Yup, I heard it was a great place to work on crap." Eddie and Janet both laughed.

"You know, I heard the same thing."

An hour later Eddie dropped Janet off at Hannah's. They had enjoyed their breakfast, it felt good to do something that felt familiar, like nothing had ever happened.

Hannah heard the key in the door and ran to it, Janet was barely in the door.

"Holy Crap Girl, I called you like ten times. What goes on… Spill!" Janet was expecting this, but she wasn't sure how much she wanted to share.

"Well, we are working on our crap." Janet was doing her best to be vague.

"Nope, no way. That is not going to cut it. Sorry kid I want details."

"Hannah…" Janet tried to protest.

"Nope, Details Meadows."

"Ok, well after the fight we went to his house and we talked. Then we argued, and then talked again until we were exhausted. It was so draining. So he asked me to stay the night."

"Did he now?" Hannah asked suggestively.

"To sleep, just to sleep. Which we did…Until morning and then we…"

"You little hussy! And it was…"

"Amazing, like really amazing…" Janet toyed with the idea of telling Hannah about the proposal but decided against it. "We are going to dinner tonight, that French place finally. So I need to borrow those heels."

"You can borrow any damn thing you want, its just so nice to see you smile again."

Hannah wrapped her arms around Janet, and gave her a good squeeze. Janet sensed something as going on.

"Ok Hannah, now it is your turn to spill. Something is up."

Hannah inhaled deeply. "I saw Ray last night at the fling, he was there with the twins."

"Ahhh, and how was that? You haven't seen him but your really not totally broken up."

"Well, he was pissed because I was with Nick."

"You were with Nick… and how did that go?

"Well, I was with you and he was with Eddie and when you both took off to destinations unknown… we just kinda hung out together. We had a few beers, he bought me a funnel cake and we talked for hours and hours."

"And?"

"And nothing."

"You didn't tell him?"

"No, I wanted to but I just couldn't."

"Hannah, this cant go on forever, at some point you are going to have to come clean about who Sam's real father is."

"Yeah, I know."

Hannah was conflicted deep to her core. This lie was a blanket of security, a safe haven. This lie kept Sam hers, all hers. The idea that she might have to share him was unthinkable. There was also the added agony of having to tell Janet that Eddie the love of her life could in fact be Sam's father. The fall out and carnage was too great. Years ago Hannah would day dream about the possibility of what if. What if she had gone to Europe, she never went to medical school when all was said and done. What if Nick came back when he was suppose to. What if she would have called him in NY and told him to come home. She had picked up the phone hundreds of times over the years. For a while she would hope that every time her phone rang it would be Nick. That someone had told him about Sam and he wanted to come home but it never happened. SO Hannah began to believe the lie, she would forget the truth and believe that Gavin Goddard was Sam's father. But then Sam would give her a look, and see would see Nick or throw a football with ease and skill and see Eddie and her delusion would fall to pieces.

"So what did Ray do when he saw you two together?"

"The usual, he huffed and he puffed but he couldn't blow anything down because the twins were with him."

"Hannah, I don't want to put you on the spot but I know Ray had Eddie beaten up." Hannah nodded, not wanting to believe it but knowing it was true. "I can't, I won't have anything to do with him, he should go to jail for what happened, but he has his fall guys doing that for him. And to be honest, why you would want a man like that anywhere near Sam, I just don't understand that. I makes no sense."

"I know, but I loved Ray. He was always great to me."

"He manipulated you, he lied to you and he played you . Actually he has been playing all of us Hannah. Eddie's business, the fight with Lauche, Owen and Allison. I mean the list goes on and on."

"You're right. I know you are but…"

"No buts Hannah, you love Nick for crying out loud. Why you insist on settling for Ray when Nick is here and waiting for you I don't get it. But I don't need to get it. You need to do what you think is best, but if Ray is in that picture. I can't be. I just can't." Janet's voice broke, and Hannah had tears in her eyes.

After Eddie dropped Janet off her drove around for a while. He was trying to piece together all that Janet had told him. The timeline of things . The fact that she went to Sully's right after seeing him left a bad taste in his mouth. He found himself parked in front of the Dunlop's knocking on the door. Rory answered, wearing a tank top and shorts. Usually this outfit would have warranted a second look but Eddie hardly noticed.

"Hey you, what brings you here so early?" Rory was surprised but happy to see him, she leaned into the door jam.

"Why, did you go to Sully's that day?"

"Um, excuse me?" She said folding her arms across her chest.

"Why did you go to Sully's and talk to Janet after you saw me in the shop?" Eddie was getting agitated now, he was in no mood for Rory's games.

"Ah, that. Well I had heard through the grapevine that you were dating the bartender at Sully's. I mean you are the talk of the town after all. When we talked you never mentioned her. So I went to check her out. I vaguely remembered her from high school. She's really sweet and very pretty. I get why you are with her."

"Ok, that's fine. But later on. The Strombolis why didn't you tell me you knew I was with her."

"Uh I think the bigger and better question is why didn't she tell me and why didn't YOU tell me." Eddie cringed for a moment, Rory was right.

"Just answer my question Rory"

"Well, I wanted to size her up. I mean I am living back in the ridge now. So I thought maybe you and me… So I went there to shake her tree a bit. But when I got there I couldn't do it, I started to but she is just so sweet and nice. It felt wrong. I was expecting some one more…"

"Like you…" Eddie whispered.

"Exactly."

"So why did you come to my house then?"

"Well, you didn't say anything, she didn't say anything. So I figured it was just a rumor. So I thought why not, lets see if there is anything there, and there wasn't. I am sorry if I caused you any drama. I heard you guys are on the outs now and after last nights little show…"

"We're not on the outs we are together, I plan on marrying her." Rory was taken aback but recovered quickly.

"Oh, good. Eddies that's great news. I am happy for you guys. Really I am. She is not at all what I would have pictured for you but some how that's what makes her perfect for you." Eddie smiled for the first time, that was the best description he had heard about him and Janet yet.

"Yeah, she is perfect for me. Listen, its good that you are home and all but…"

"Stay away from Janet."

"Yes."

"It's a small town Eddie, I will try but I am still going to Sully's. it's the only bar in town."

"Yeah, but just be cool ok Rory."

"Ok, how is this?" Janet emerged from the guest room in Hannah's heels and a little black dress. It had cap sleeves, a deep v-neck, it skimmed over her curves just to the top of her knee. Hannah had taken an hour, curling her hair to perfection it hung down around her shoulders.

"Hot damn Meadows you look fan-freaking-tastic!." Janet blushed.

"Ma's right Janet you look great!"

"Thank you Sam."

The door bell rang and all three of them jumped and burst into a fit of nervous laughter.

"Sam, get the door. Janet you stay here so you can make a grand entrance." Hannah commanded.

"Hey there Sam." Eddie said, walking thru Hannah's front door.

"Eddie." Sam said in a authoritative tone. "So you an Janet, together again?"

"Yes, Sam we are."

"I'm watching you Latekka…"

"You're what?" Eddie was shocked, this little kid was going him the once over.

"Watching you, keeping my eyes fixed on you… So don't go and screw this up for the third time." Eddie opened his mouth to speak but then he saw Janet coming down the stairs and his mouth just dropped. He felt his pulse quicken, his heart race. Janet looked amazing, as she smiled at him descending to him.

"Wow, Meadows… Just wow." Janet looked down, trying to hide her blush and how uncomfortable she was with his complement.

"Thank you.' She finally said.

"Could you… you know do a little… twirl for me?" Eddie smirked, spinning his finger in a circle. Janet looked him dead in the eye and smiled before she spun around slowly "Yeah, wow is the right word."

"You don't look too bad yourself Latekka, a suit and a tie. WOW"

"Why thank you," Eddie held out his hand "You ready to go?" AS they walked through the door Sam called out.

"Hey Make sure you have her back at a descent hour, not like last night"

"Sam!" Janet said embarrassed.

"Yes Sir Mr. Daniels"

"Uh, Jem this menu is in French."

"I know Eddie, this is a French restaurant. I mean you took French in High School."

"Yeah, but I played foot ball, French was more like a nap period." Janet laughed.

"Ok, what do you want to eat… Wait let me guess… Steak, fries, salad…"

"You know me too well."

A few minutes later the waiter came to get then order and Janet placed it perfect French.

"Um, excuse me. You speak French… like that?"

"Eddie, my mom was a French teacher, I have been speaking French as long as I have been speaking English." Eddie was taken aback, Janet rarely mentioned her parents.

"I didn't know that, Really?" He was amazed by how much he didn't know about this woman. Janet nodded.

"What about your dad?"

"He was a mechanic, a boat mechanic actually. For all the fishing boats in Providence." The pieces of Janet started to click together. "So that's why you know how to change your own oil and clean your carburetor."

Janet took a large sip of wine before responding

"Yup"

"Impressive that was."

"I try."

"And why you drive a muscle car."

"The Charger was my dad's. He loved that car." Janet's voice trailed off "What about your parents."

"Well my dad was a landscaper, he died the summer after graduation, heart attack at 46. But I guess you already know that. My mom moved to North Carolina, to be closer to her parents. She got remarried eight years ago and she gave me the house when she did."

"I didn't really know you when you dad died."

"No I guess not, you were Hannah's friend but after Nick left she stopped hanging with us."

"I guess you and I didn't really become aware of each other until we were legal and I started working at Sully's. You started paying attention to the girl that poured your beers"

"Ahhh come on it wasn't like that…"

"Yeah it was guy, don't deny it."

"Well maybe in the beginning but…"

"It's ok no explanation needed."

"No, I want to. I remember one night after the movie came out and I was getting all kinds of crap. It was last call, I was sitting at the bar. You gave me a shot and told me that anyone who really knew me, really knew me got it and everyone else didn't matter. After that I started to look forward to last call Fridays. Just you and me and some good conversation.'

"God, we were such kids back then"

"Yeah, now not so much."

"That's right you are going to be 30 next month, old man."

"Yeah, don't even say it. You're right behind me Meadows so don't get all high and mighty."

"No, I am a year younger then all of you… So take that!"

"Shit that's right, I always forget you are a year behind us. So tell me then how did you and Hannah become friends then?"

"Wait you don't know this story?'

"Nope."

"My mom, grew up in the ridge in the house I live in now. She went to school in Boston, met my dad moved to RI. I used to spend summers here from the time I was 6 or 7."

"You used to summer here. I didn't know that."

"Yeah, I knew Angela Ferelli you know. She lived around the block. Anyway I met Hannah when I was 10, she had just moved here. She was on her swing, and I walked by listening to my Pocket Rock-It, do you remember those?" Eddie nodded his head yes "And we just became friends. Pen pals in the Winter and playmates in the Summer. When my parents died, I came to live with Gram and Gramps."

"They died in a car crash right?" Eddie was trying to get closer to figuring out why Janet was how she was. Where the insecurity came from.

"Yeah, a drunk driver." For a few moments Janet was lost in though, frozen. Her wine glass to her lips but unable to drink. The events of that night played out in her head. "Can we please change this awful subject. How are things at BFW?"

"Good, great actually. Big job coming up. Carter Bump gave us the Library project."

"That's great news, he and Karen are still going strong. So I bet that is improving his mood…"

Eddie pulled his truck up to Gelson, hoping Janet would be staying the night. Janet's body tensed, when the truck stopped. He was torn half hoping her would bring her here and half hoping he would bring her home to Hannah's

"Eddie, I think you should take me home"

"To Hannah's?" Eddie asked crestfallen

"Yeah, we should go slow. Last night was… a lot. Too much even."

"Slow?" He questioned trying to absorb the word "Like slow slow or just slow?'

"Yes, slow slow. Like kiss me on the forehead slow." Janet nodded for emphasis.

"Wow, Ok that slow. Ok then what ever the lady wants she shall have."

Eddie walked Janet up to Hannah's door. He felt nervous, and it amused and surprised him. He leaned in to kiss her good night, over and over in his head chanting the word SLOW. But, he couldn't do it. The moment their lips touched Eddie forgot all about slow. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close and they were both lost in a hot passionate kiss. And then they heard the front door open.

"AHEM!" Sam cleared his throat. Janet and Eddie pulled away both blushing and embarrassed.

"Uh, um Good night Eddie." Janet stuttered out as she walked past Sam unable to look him in the eye.

"Night Jem." Eddie called out after her. Sam glared at him, nodding his head.

"I am watching you Latekka" Sam took his two fingers in a V up to his eyes and them pointed them in Eddie's direction before slamming the door and turning off the porch light.

Eddie laughed, running his fingers through his hair as he walked down the path back to his truck.


	4. Chapter 4

Eddie woke up alone in his bed the next morning feeling hopeful, something that he had been missing for weeks. Between the beat down and Janet's infidelity hopelessness was Eddie's constant companion. Always lingering around the corner waiting for him. But now the possibility of Janet back in his life maybe even strong, better then before all he felt was hopeful. Sure they had a long way to go and Eddie saw a bunch of cold showers and lonely nights in his future but she was worth it, they were worth it. It still made him sick to think about her and Rooster together, the bile would rise in his throat choking him. He fought an overpowering urge to break things, starting with Roosters face, then his legs… But he realized those thoughts only came when he was alone. When he was with Janet it never crossed his mind, her presence calming him like music to the savage beast. She had always been that for him, even when they were just friends sharing a shot after a long night. She always saw him for who he was, beyond all the crap and stories, beyond all the girls and bull shit. She kept him grounded. Eddie walked into Best Friends Windows with a skip in his step and a smile on his face.

"Well someone is in a good mood considering Spring Fling drama." Eddie shot Nick a look of death "Unless someone got laid…"

"Cork it Nicky."

"And laid confirmation. So you and Meadows are back together I take it?"

"Yeah, Nick we are."

"Hence the happiness and jaunty aplomb!"

"Jesus, you talk to much. You look happy yourself… Hannah?"

"Yeah, Hannah. I love her, she loves me even though she wont admit it. Sam is my son and she won't admit that either." Eddie cringed, Sam could be his and he knew that this was going to be coming to a head one way or the other.

"So what are you going to do? She and Ray are still kind of together right?"

"I guess but the hell with Ray. I am going to tell her how I feel and see what happens."

"I like that plan, you lay it out. All of it, don't hold back. That's what almost cost me Janet. Trust me you only regret what you don't say."

"What do you mean?"

"I waited to long to tell her that I loved her. She didn't think I did. I just assumed she knew, so when things got complicated and other forces came into play everything fell apart and we almost lost it all. And now we are trying to put it all back together."

"So Janet Meadows is your Hannah Jane Daniels.

"Yeah, she is."

* * *

"Sully the tap is leaking again, WTF?"

"Girly, I just had the guy here last week to service them."

"Well it is still broken, I told you that guy is like tits on a bull. When is Jenny back from Wisconsin?"

"Well all I can do is call him again."

"Never mind I will fix it myself. " Janet made her way down to the basement, grabbing the toolbox cursing the whole way. She felt moody and on edge even though she should be happy. Eddie wanted to forgive her, be with her and she put on the breaks. What a stupid freaking idea to go slow, forehead kissing slow. The last six weeks without him had been torture and all she wanted was Eddie back in her bed, his mouth on hers, his hands on her body. Janet flushed standing there, took a deep breath and made her way back up stairs, she had work to do. She saw him sitting at the bar, Jesus he was beautiful. His hair was a perfect mess, his stubble a few days old, his t-shirt hung off his frame barely concealing the muscles that were beneath it. She stood in the door way for a moment just watching him. Allowing her mind to drift to less then PG thoughts. Eddie saw her watching him, and he smiled. She looked so pretty, hair piled up on her head, her cheeks pink, the light coming from behind her highlighting her curves. Why were they going slow, this was a stupid idea.

"Hey Meadows"

"Hey yourself." Janet dropped the toolbox on the bar with a thud.

"What on earth are you doing? Eddie knew she was handy but damn it was sexy to see her going through that took box. The smell of her shampoo and perfume drifting up to his nose. He was fairly certain that he heard a hum every time she was in a room.

"I am painting the freaking Mona Lisa, what does it look like I am doing… I am fixing the tap."

He looked so good today, now that she was closer she could tell he had worked the day outdoors, his skin bronzed from the late spring sun, he was sweaty even a little dirty. It was distracting and Janet fiddled with the tap not paying attention when the pressure gave out shooting beer and suds all over her. She screamed trying to stop it, finally gave in laughing. There was nothing she could do but wait for it to die out. Eddie took one look at her face flushed, laughing, covered in beer, it dripping from her curls.

"Well if you weren't the woman of my dreams before…" Eddie laughed out

"Shut it Latekka!" Janet squealed throwing a handful of foam in his direction. He dodged it with ease as he laughed at her. Sully came running out of the kitchen hearing the commotion.

"Jesus H Christ Janet what did you do?" He yelled out his face red.

"I fixed the tap Sully." she said sweetly

"Fixed it?"

"Well its not leaking anymore, the pressure was off. That stupid guy messed it up… AGAIN! I can't wait for Jenny to get back. It should be fine now." Janet looked around at the mess and went to go get the mop.

"Don't worry about that girly, I will clean up, you go home and get cleaned up."

"Will do boss."

"Come on Janet, I will give you a ride."

* * *

"So take you to Hannah's right?" Eddie asked tapping his thumbs on the steering wheel.

"Well, uh… don't I still have stuff at your place." Janet asked sheepishly not able to look him in the eye.

"Yeah you do." Eddie looked at her and then back at the road making a turn on to Gelson. "I thought you said slow Janet."

"Did I say that? I don't remember." Eddie smirked and pushes the gas pedal wanting to get into his driveway as quickly as possible. He put the truck in park and Janet turned her body to him, her t-shirt wet clinging to her body Eddie reached out and cupped her breast and crashed his mouth against hers. Her mouth moving perfectly with his until they were breathless.

"How do we get passed Phys?"

"Back door and up the stairs, lets go." They made it safely and unseen to Eddie bathroom, slamming the door behind them, Phil could hear their laughter and the water in the shower and put in some ear buds while he ate his lunch, a smile on his face.

Eddie took off his t-shirt and threw it to the tile floor, he kicked off his work boots and eased out of his jeans and boxers. Janet took in his naked body her eyes traveling over him. The line of his shoulders, the hair on his chest that traveled down his taught stomach, his thick thighs and perfect calves, even his feet were a turn on.

"God Eddie you are a beautiful man." Janet lifted her hands over her head and Eddie took a step closer to her lifting her t-shirt over her had her wet curls falling on her shoulders. She was thankful she out on a good bra today, this one was grey lace and white ribbon, it pushed her breast up in just the right way and Eddie just stared at them for a moment.

"This is new…"

"Yeah, Hannah took me shopping in an attempt to cheer me up."

"I like it very much." Eddie made quick work of removing it and it joined his things on the floor. "But it's better there." His mouth was on her now, he could taste the beer on her skin, Janet arched her back into him and started to unbutton her jeans, shimmying out of them. "And matching panties, I am impressed Meadows." She slid out of them kicked them somewhere unknown as led her into the steaming hot shower. He pressed her back against the cold tile, her body tensing at the contact. Eddie grabbed Janet's scrunchie and poured a good amount of her body wash making a foamy lather.

"You kept all my stuff here all this time?"

"I knew you would be back Jem, even if I didn't want to admit it. I just knew it." He dragged the scrunchie across her chest, up and down her arms, her breasts and belly. Each motion making Janet crazy, his slow drawn out movements. He was touching her but not really and she wanted to scream. "Turn around for me." Janet did as she was asked and Eddie pressed her body against the wall, and started the slow torture again. Down her shoulders, to the small of her back, her butt. Finally she felt his body press against hers and his hot breath on her ear, his lips on her neck his hands snaking their way around her body, grabbing her breasts. She leaned her back end into him, pressing against him.

"Eddie, please." Before Janet could say another thing Eddie shifted, bending at the knee and was inside of her, a moan release from Janet that Eddie had never heard before, it was deep and guttural. She reached back and grabbed his ass, steadying herself and he slowing eased in and out of her., the hot water beating against their bodies. Janet could feel it building inside of her, she began to tighten and her mind went blank as her body exploded around him. He was surprised how quickly it happened, he could feel her pulsing around his shaft, her moans blending into each other. Next he felt her relax, he body slacked between him and the wall.

"Janet…"

"I just need a second…" She laughed "That was amazing…"

"And we aren't done yet." Eddie smirked as he pulled out of her. "Come on." Janet followed him out of the shower. He wrapped a towel around his waist and Janet followed suit. He grabbed her hand and dragged her across the hall into his bedroom. Janet threw her towel to the floor and fell on to his bed easing her way up on her knees.

"You on bottom, me on top." She commanded patting the bed next to her.

"No Janet. Me on top… you on bottom." He wanted to feel her legs wrapped around him, her nails in his back when he came.

"Fine!" Eddie wrapped his arms around her pushing her down on the bed, he spread her legs bending them back at the knee before he sunk into her, filling her again. Janet cried out, and tightened her muscles around him.

"Janet that feels amazing." Eddie gritted his teeth trying to hold out, but Janet tightened again, he felt like she was trying to stop him from pulling out of her and she was almost succeeding. She wrapped her legs around him and pulled his face down to hers, taking his mouth, somehow she was managing to control him from the bottom. This was something new from Janet, and he liked that she wasn't holding out on him.

"Eddie, touch me, please… " She begged in his ear. He reached down between their sweaty bodies and flicked his fingers over her, still pumping inside of her. "Ohhh, yes." She called out, matching him thrust for thrust as she came loudly just moments before Eddie exploded inside of her, a deep moan escaping from his mouth. He collapsed, still inside of her, her muscles still quivering around him, his bed a wet mess. They laid there panting, both unable to move. Janet wanted to fall asleep, just how they were with Eddie's weight on her, still inside but in the back of her mind she knew she had to go back to work.

"Eddie…"

"Mmmmhmmmm?"

"I need to go back to work."

"Awww fuck. Yes you do." Eddie rolled off of her. "Go take a real shower now and I will drive you back." Janet leaned over him and kissed him gently.

"That was without a single doubt the best sex I have every had in my life. Ever."

"You're welcome." He said smugly.

* * *

Janet woke up the next morning wrapped in Eddie's arms, feeling at peace. He had waited for her shift to be over, sitting at the bar sipping on his beer. Talking with various friends that would wander in, never taking his focus off of her. He was counting down the minutes they could be alone together again. He felt that each time he was inside of her he was that much closer to eradicating the memory of Rooster. She made every effort to touch him as she worked, passing by resting her hand on his shoulder, patting his knee, leaning in for a kiss. She just wanted the reminder that he was there and that if she wanted to she could touch him. Without thought, no question no insecurity. So that morning waking in his arms, his breath on her neck, his hands on her body she felt whole again, happy, joyful. She felt like they could finally put the past behind them and begin again, stronger then ever. But nothing lasts forever. In an instant Janet's stomach turned and vomit began to rise in her throat, she eased her way out of Eddie's arms and ran to his bathroom, just making it in time. Bent over the toilet, dread began to fill Janet as she counted the weeks and days. Tears formed in her eyes when the realization hit. She was late, almost seven weeks. With the stress and drama she hadn't thought about her period, but now she had no choice as the panic filled her. She stared to cry silently, unable to stop herself. This couldn't be happening now, no, no, no. Not like this. Eddie was finally opening his heart to her again and now she was most likely knocked up and she wasn't sure who the father was.

"Hey Janet, you almost done in there I gotta go." His voice startled her and she stood up grateful he didn't just walk in.

"Yeah, I will be out in a second." She flushed and washed her face, gargled with Eddie mouthwash before she emerged from the bathroom with a huge smile on her face trying to conceal her panic.

"There's my girl." Eddie leaned in and kissed her softly. "I was thinking we could go to the lake for a bit today and hand out maybe pack a lunch."

"Uh, Eddie I can't Hannah and I have plans."

"You can't cancel?" Eddie looked at her, something was up he just couldn't figure out what.

"Sorry guy, I can't. We can hang out later on though ok." She stood on her tippy toes and gently kissed his cheek. "I am going to get dressed and head out, I will call you later."

* * *

Janet sat in her car outside of Hannah's house moments away from a full on panic. Her mind racing as fast has her heart, if she was pregnant her life as she knew it was over. She wanted to run and hide, disappear. She had driven all the way to the Flats to buy the damn test not wanting anyone from town to see her. She walked thru the gate and up the path, feeling disconnected from her body. She pounded on the door and Hannah appeared.

"Hey Janet, uh Nick and I are in the middle of something can you come back later maybe…" Hannah looked at Janet and realized there were tears just forming in her eyes and she was shaking. "Janet?"

"Hannah I need you." She choked out

"Come in, come in." Hannah stepped aside and Janet made her way through the front door.

"Hey Janet." Nick called out from the living room sofa.

"Nick you need to go, sorry but Janet and I have plans."

"Hannah Jane we were in the middle of a very important conversation." Nick stood making his way toward them

"I know and I am sorry, but…

"Nick please just go." Janet cried out taking them both by surprise.

"Janet are you ok?" The concern in Nick's voice was Janet's undoing and she broke down in tears, Nick wrapping his arms around her. Nick and Hannah shared a concerned look, Nick mouthing what happened and Hannah responded she didn't know.

"Nick, please I just need Hannah right now." She said pulling away from him, her face red and her eyes bloodshot.

"Ok Janet, ok. I will go. Hannah call me later ok."

"Nick, please please don't tell Eddie about this ok."

"Ok Janet." He closed the door behind him, he decided to head over to Gelson, hoping he wouldn't find Eddie in a similar state but wanting to be there if his friend needed him.

"Janet what is going on?" Janet reached into the brown paper bag and pulled out the pregnancy test, holding it up for Hannah to see. "NO! Janet, no…"

"I am late almost seven weeks late…"

"Which means it could be either on of them! Did Rooster use a condom?"

"I don't remember Hannah, I have racked my poor brain and I just can't remember. If I ask him he will know something is up…

"Oh shit, and you and Eddie…"

"Just spent the last twenty four hours having the best sex of my life… Laughing, talking… forgiving each other and now…

"And now you are pregnant… You might not be, could be a false alarm…"

"I woke up this morning and vomited… that's what got this ball rolling in the first damn place. I can't believe this is happening Hannah. I just can't…lose him again." Deep in her soul she knew, Eddie was already gone. Even if the baby did end up to be his, the drama and fallout from the what if would put and end to them. She felt like she was dying inside, like every bit of happiness was turning into a mess of anger and sadness and she didn't know what to do with all the pain.

"Ok, let's take the test Janet, cross that bridge and then we can figure out what comes next ok…"


	5. Chapter 5

Janet was in freefall, total and complete freefall. She could feel every ounce of joy leaching out of her as each second ticked by. Every cell in her body reacting, waiting, on edge. Knowing what the answer would be but trying to will it away. How could this be happening, all her life she had been a good girl, never slept around, never had a relationship. How was it possible that she could be this person, in this moment taking a pregnancy test and not knowing who the father was. How did she become the girl who had sex with two men in two days. Her skin crawled and her heart ached as if she had just woken up in her bed with Rooster next to her. The ding of the timer snapped her out of her haze, she looked at Hannah who sat there on the edge of the tub chewing on her thumb nail as anxious as if she was taking the test herself. A flashback of what she went through with Janet at her side ten years ago, the paternity of her son still in question after all these years.

"Do you want me to..." Hannah stood quickly, reaching for the test.

"No! Hannah, I'll do it..." Janet took a few small tentative steps toward the vanity, and slowly lifted the test. Everything went blurry, how did a small pink plus sign wield so much power. She dropped the maligned stick into the sink, raising her hands to her mouth, shaking her head no. She could hear Hannah talking in the background, but everything sounded muffled and Janet was sure she could hear her own heartbeat. She felt Hannah's arms around her and then she was being guided into the living room and sat on the sofa. Tears, unrelenting tears. What in the world was she going to do, how could she possibly tell Eddie this horrendous news. Eddie his face flashed in her mind. The pain flashing in his eyes the moment she told him she didn't know for sure who the father is. Her mind racing with a million possibilities of how he would react and none of them were good. Her memories of how he reacted to her in the hospital, the horrible things he said still fresh in her mind.

"Janet listen you need to calm down." Hannah sat next to her a cup of hot tea in her hand. "Here drink this." On auto pilot, Janet took the mug, the heat burning her hands, a welcome distraction of physical pain, she gripped the mug tighter. "You need to go to the doctor, ok. You might be further along then you think and then it will be Eddie's baby. Let me give Dr. Wallace a call maybe she can fit you in today."

"She has to Janet, there is no way I can see Eddie tonight and not know for sure."

* * *

"Hey Eddie, what goes on my friend?" Nick was treading lightly. Eddie sat on the sofa at Gelson, crunching on a bowl of his favorite cereal.

"Not to much Nicky, aren't you here a little early for band practice?"

"Yeah, I was at Hannah's, finally talking to her about everything and uh, Janet came over they had plans or something."

"Yeah I know, Janet was uh, here this morning..." Nick raised his eyebrows in question.

"Was she, I though slow was the word of the day?"

"Yeah, well..." Eddie cocked his head and raised his shoulders. "She tore out of here, whatever they are doing was important I guess."

"Yeah I guess... so you and Janet are good then?"

"Yeah we are better then good. Better then before even." Now Nick was beyond confused, what ever Janet was this morning it was the total opposite of good.

"Oh, well that's great Eddie, you and Janet." They exchanged smiles, but Nicks was tight and forced. Something was brewing and Eddie didn't have a clue.

* * *

"Ok Janet, from the looks of it I would say you are just about seven weeks along."

"Seven weeks..." Tears sprang into Janet's eyes and Hannah gave her hand a squeeze.

"Janet are you ok?"

"Um, well you see...I had sex with two men in the span of a few days..." Janet cheeks burned with embarrassment.

"She was drunk!" Hannah chimed in, not helping.

"Hannah!" Janet wanted to crawl into the nearest hole and die.

"I mean, she and her boyfriend kinda got into a fight and then she got drunk and this other guy totally took advantage of the situation..." Hannah blurted out trying to "fix" it.

"Hannah please for the love of God stop speaking..." Janet's cheeks burned red.

"Janet I am sorry to hear that, really I am... There are paternity tests that can be done in-utero, they do have risks and complications but it is something we can do. You will have to get samples from the potential fathers though."

"No I can't do that, I mean I don't want Rooster knowing about this. He had gone all stalker on me and Eddie, I can't bare the thought of telling him, having to put him through all of that. No. There has to be another way."

"You can wait until after the baby is born, but even then you will need a sample from the father to compare it too." In her heart Janet believed that she would know the moment the baby was born who the father was.

"What if I chose to not have the baby." Janet couldn't believe what she was asking, her voice sounding foreign to her. She has always wanted to be a mother, dreaming about the moment she would find out she was pregnant and never in all the years did she ever imagine discussing an abortion with her doctor.

"Well you would have to make that decision fairly quickly, being as far along as you are. Look Janet, I can't tell you what to do, but I have been your doctor for almost ten years now. You made a mistake, it happens... half of my business are peoples mistakes. Just try and make the best choice for everyone involved." Janet nodded solemnly, wiping the tear stains from her cheeks. "If you need me I am here for you what ever you decide."

"Thank you Doctor Wallace."

* * *

"Janet..."

"I know Hannah... I know..."

"You can't be serious about this, I mean really. There has got to be a better way."

"You tell me Hannah what is the better way? You should know better then anyone there is no better way." Janet chomped on one of her old faithful cheese puffs, always there for her in times of need.

"Janet the lies that I have told all these years, the worry, the regrets they are all coming home to roost now and Sam is going to pay the price for it. I don't want this for you. You deserve to have a happy joyful pregnancy, you deserve Eddie and happily ever after."

"Hannah, I have to this. Regardless of what I deserve, I can not have Rooster around me or this baby and I can't even imagine what it would be like to tell Eddie that I am pregnant and I am not sure who the father is. The hope he would feel that it would be his and if we found out it wasn't. He would never forgive me ever."

"You don't know that Janet Eddie is a good guy he might..."

"Really Hannah, then explain to me why you haven't come clean about Sam and Nick and Eddie..."

"You know?"

"Yes I know, Eddie told me night before the shit hit the fan with Rory, about the possibility that Sam could be his, of course we all know that Nick is the father but there is an off chance. That's why Eddie has always been around, looking after Sam..."

"I can't believe her told you and that you didn't tell me you knew."

"I wanted you to tell me when you were ready, in your own time. It was hard trying to figure out where my relationship with Eddie and my relationship with you begin and ends. We are all so in each other lives and beds." Hannah laughed.

"So true... Janet he is not going to take this sitting down you know this right."

"Yeah I know."

"Just think about this long and hard before you decide."

"Hannah I am going to tell him tonight, I can't look at him and pretend everything is ok."

"Janet tonight, I mean so soon..."

"This can't wait Hannah. I am going to talk to Sully now, and then call Eddie."

"Janet, you need to process, take some time…"

"Hannah, look I have never been able to lie. He will know the moment he sees me that something is up. Like the doctor said, the best thing I can do is act quickly and make the best decision for everyone involved and this is it."

Eddie pulled up to Hannah's house, something was wrong he could hear it in Janet's voice on the phone. He walked up the pathway and a chill went through him, like he could feel something bad was coming his way.

* * *

"Hey Eddie."

"Hey there Sam, is Janet around?"

"Yeah, she is in the kitchen with Ma come on back."

"Sam, is everything Ok with Janet?"

"No Eddie I don't think so, she has been crying all day."

"Crying?" Eddie said sadly, Sam nodded and watched Eddie walk into the kitchen. Janet could hear his footsteps getting closer to her and as soon as her eyes fixed on him all her resolve left her body.

"Hey." Eddie smiled, his sweet smile and leaned down to kiss her. "Hey Hannah." She just nodded at him.

"Ok Sam get your jacket, lets go get some ice cream..." Hannah called out trying her best to sound normal.

"Cherry?"

"What ever you want. Bye guys. Janet I will see you later." Janet nodded fiddling with the straw in her glass.

"Ok Janet something is going on so spill." Janet took and deep breath and exhaled slowly.

"I, um... I am going to Providence for a bit." she finally mumbled out unable to look him in the eye. Concern spread across his face and he put his hands over hers. Ok, this made sense to him, the strangeness and the crying, Providence.

"Is everything ok with Grams and Gramps?" He asked softly. Janet finally looked up at him touched by his concern.

"No Eddie, no they are fine." His brow furrowed in question. "I need a little space, time..."

"Space and time for what?"

"To figure some things out."

"So like a few days a week."

"Eddie, I quit my job today, I am moving to Providence for a while..." Eddie was completely stunned.

"You what, you quit your job! Janet where is this coming from?"

"We said slow and that just didn't happen, and I feel like a I need a change, I need some distance from the Ridge for a bit to figure stuff out."

"Stuff, like you and me stuff." Eddie ran his tongue along his back teeth a nervous habit, trying to contain his anger and confusion.

"Yes."

"Wow, here I thought we were back on track and now this…wow Janet... I thought we were going to work on our crap together..."

"I though so too but Eddie, it's just not possible. I don't... I...

"You don't what? Love me?"

" I just cant be with you right now, maybe never I just..." Tears fell from her eyes and she quickly wiped them away.

"MAYBE NEVER? So we are breaking up, is that what you are trying to say."

"Yes, that's what I am trying to say." Silence fell between them, Eddie unable to believe the words that we coming form her mouth and Janet unable to believe she was actually saying them.

"Janet look at me. please." Janet raised her eyes to meet his. "I love you..."

"Eddie, please don't..." Hannah was right he was not going to make this easy. Janet wanted to tell him she was lying, tell him she loved him and wanted to be with him but she couldn't.

"No, Janet, I do, I love you. So I can't accept this, you just leaving me. No. I know you love me too, this makes no sense. None." His mind trying to process, put the pieces together. "There is something you aren't telling me." Janet's body tightened, she felt trapped. She hated every second of this. Hoping she was making the right choice.

"Eddie I am not sure if I love you or if I loved the idea that you wanted me. Stupid, old, plain fat me being wanted by tall handsome perfect Hail Eddie. And until I figure that out I can't be with you." Eddie looked like she had slapped him across the face the look of pain and shock made her ache. He stood slowly from the table, pressed his lips to her forehead and walked out of the house slamming the door behind him.

* * *

Eddie tore out of Hannah's driveway, tears stinging his eyes. He could not believe what just happened, what Janet had just said to him. All day he was happy, thinking that they were on the right track, that everything was going to be ok. And all day she was thinking about how to break up with him. How could he had gotten it so very wrong, how could he not see. It replayed the last few days with Janet over and over in his head wondering of he had missed something. He finally decided that he had not, that she was happy with him, they were happy together. None of this made an ounce of sense. And her words, her sharp words, something that Eddie had always feared but never wanted to admit. That people only loved him because of who he was in his past not who he was today. His stomach turned at the thought that Janet was questioning the love she felt for him, something he was always so sure of. He drove for hours around Knights Ridge trying to put together all the pieces, trying to make sense of something so senseless. Wondering if he would ever be able to convince Janet to stay.

* * *

Janet cried, she sat there and cried. That was all she could do, watching him walk away, saying those final words took everything she had. She felt numb and was grateful for it. She had no more to give, nothing more to say, nothing. She looked at her watch, Hannah would be back soon and she wanted to be gone before then. She pulled two letters out of her purse and left them on the table. One addressed to Hannah and one addressed to Eddie. She went to her room grabbed her packed bags and threw them into the back seat of her Jeep, sad to leave the charger behind. She wiped away her last tear, straightened her shoulders and started her ride to New York. She was wrong about one thing, she could tell a lie if she had to. It killed her to look at her best friend and not tell her what she was planning to do. But Janet knew that if she went to Providence, Eddie would find her there. He knew where her grandparents lived, the bar she liked to go too, he had even met a few of her friends. No, she had to go somewhere else, some where she would be harder to find until she was able to figure all this out. And there was only one place where she knew a door was always open for her, where she always had a place to rest her head. Her older sister Jessie…


	6. Chapter 6

Dear Hannah,

So I know you are going to be pissed. But I hope you understand why I am doing this. I have made so many bad choices this year, and maybe this is another one. Only time will tell, but I just feel like this is what I need to do. I am not going to Providence, because you are right Eddie would just come and find me and that would defeat the purpose of all of this. I wish I could look at him and lie, I wish I could pretend that this baby is his and stay but I can't. I just cant. So I am heading in a different direction, to New York. I know what you're thinking but Jessie is there and right now Jessie is what I need. Someone to get my shit together.

I have to think, really think about what I want to do. Do I want to have this baby, that is the big one. Then he possibility, the huge possibility of it being Roosters. Eddie was always so careful, all the years all the girls and no one came up pregnant. I feel it in my bones that Rooster is the father and I don't know what to do. Maybe I wont have the baby at all. Maybe I will get the balls to tell Eddie the truth, and get the paternity test done. Maybe I will wait until the baby is born, maybe then I will know. The same way I knew when Sam was born that Nick was his father. And I think you knew it too Hannah, his eyes his smile, the peanuts. It is all Nick. Don't be afraid to tell them, they both already know and they are just waiting for you Hannah. They are waiting for you to be ok with it.

I am so scared Hannah, so I am running, I know, trust me I know what you are thinking. But it's the only thing I can do, at least until I wrap my head around this. I know I am kind of leaving you to hold the bag with this and I am very sorry for that. I wrote Eddie a letter too, so I hope that helps. I will email you when I get settled in a few weeks. I love you and I going to miss you, You have no idea how much.

- J

* * *

Hannah read the letter once, and then again and then once more. She was in complete and utter shock that Janet was gone and she really had no idea where she went. It was a comfort that Jessie was going to be there. The few times Hannah had met Jessie, she realized that she was a stronger, more self-assured version of Janet. Janet always joked that Jessie was two years older, two inches taller and two cup sizes bigger. They had the same curly hair and chubby build, the same blue eyes and thick brows. There was not doubt they were sisters. Jessie worked as a paralegal for a small law firm, she took an interest in law after her divorce. She married young and like most decisions she made in her early twenties, it didn't work out but it did get her a nice settlement and alimony, he ex-husbands family had money and he was in finance. It allowed her to go back to school and live in a small, tiny but expensive apartment Downtown. Hannah liked her, she was quick and funny and brought out a stronger Janet. But she worried that the running, leaving Eddie the way that she did would be the biggest mistake of her life. Hannah sat there staring at the letter, reading the lines about Sam and Nick over and over. Janet was right, the moment Sam was placed in her hands, she knew that Nick was his father. And the last ten years only reinforced that glairing fact. Hannah picked up Eddie's letter, folded it in half and slipped it in her back pocket. She dreaded what was coming next but she knew that her next stop was 32 Gelson.

* * *

"Uh, hey Phil is Eddie around?" Hannah stood in the doorway, arms crossed against her chest, a chill in the air despite the early spring.

"Hannah, what in the hell is going on? He came home and stormed up the stairs, I haven't seen him for hours."

"Well Phys, Janet and Eddie broke up again and Janet left town."

"WHAT?!" Phil was in shock, they were just eating pancakes like old times. "I mean… WHAT?"

"I can't really say Phil, not my place really." Hannah just nodded and pointed towards the stairs.

"Yeah head on up."

"Hey Eddie." Hannah pushed open the door and found him sitting on the edge of his bed a beer in hand and empties on the floor.

"Hannah?" He stood surprised that she was standing there.

"Um, I am not really sure how to say this other then to just say it." She took a deep breath "Janet left today, she's gone."

"She left already?" Eddie stood up quickly, his mind racing. "Hannah, you need to come to Providence with me, we have to convince her to come back."

"Eddie, she's not in Providence. She went to New York…" Eddie mouth slacked, she lied to him dead to his face. "She is with Jessie."

"She went to New York? Jessie her sister?" Janet had mentioned Jessie a few times and he had spoken to her on the phone once but her had never met her. "Hannah, tell me the truth what is going on? Why…"

"Eddie, I really can't say but I can give you this, Janet left you a note." Hannah reached into her back pocket and pulled out the letter. Eddie reached up taking it from her, ripping it open. He looked up at Hannah who nodded and closed the door behind her as she left.

* * *

Eddie-

Where do I begin, I have made a mess of things and for that I am so very sorry. You deserve someone who makes you happy, and right now I am not that person. I know you are thinking, that I am crazy and wrong but trust me on this guy. I am sorry if I hurt you, it was never my intention. Sometimes I think you are the only person who has ever really seen me, the real me and that I am the only person who has ever really seen you. But right now, I need to do what I am doing. I lied when I told you I was going to Providence, I am going to New York to be with Jessie. I am going to New York because I know you won't find me there, so please don't waste your time and energy trying. Live your life Eddie…

Janet

* * *

He stared at the letter, unable to read it again. Anger and sadness building in him. It was turning in to a physical pain, and ache that ran through his entire body. He couldn't believe that Janet would just leave. Just pack her bags and go. It was so out of character, so crazy so unlike the Janet he knew and loved. It was akin to her sleeping with Rooster, something she did out of desperation. What could have possibly have happened in the last twenty four hours that would make Janet so desperate? His mind focused, intent on putting together the pieces of his puzzle. And then like a bolt of lightening he knew.

* * *

"Well look who finally made it to NYC! Get your ass in here little sister!" Jessie grabbed Janet in a huge embrace, she had missed her sister the last three years. Phone calls and emails just weren't enough.

"Jessie I am so glad to see you. God I have missed you!"

"Drop your bags kiddo, we got plans…" Janet heart dropped, she really wasn't up for people. "What's that face? Janet what's going on?" As usual Jessie could read her like a book, always knowing when something was up. "This is not a happy visit is it?' Janet shook her head no as tears formed in her eyes.

* * *

"Jesus Janet," Jessie was absorbing everything Janet had just told her filling her in on the last two months of her life. "And he has no idea?"

"None."

"You need to tell him Janet, he has the right to know. So does Rooster for that matter, yes he went of the deep end a bit you have known him forever. I mean he is generally a good guy, he had just loved you so long."

"I know, it's just I don't want to deal with any of it I just want to pretend that none of this is even happening."

"That didn't work when Mom and Dad died and its not going to work now. Do you want to have this baby?" Janet shook her head yes. "Ok, so that's one decision made. See easy, peasey. I think we have done enough thinking for tonight " Janet cracked a small smile. "Let's order some food and watch a bad movie from the comfort of my bed. Sound good?

"Jessie that sounds great."

* * *

Janet checked her cell phone, she had eight missed calls from Hannah and Eddie. Her battery nearly dead, she clicked the phone off and tucked it into the pocket of her luggage. She would get a new phone tomorrow, a new number, a new start. The idea calmed her. Tomorrow she and Jessie would figure this entire mess out.

"Kiddo, the pizza is here, shake your tail feather."

* * *

Hannah heard the banging in her door and she knew it was Eddie. She told Sam to go upstairs and brush his teeth, as she made her way to the door. Sam wanted to protest but his mother was a mess all day and Janet was gone. With slumped shoulders he slowly made his way up the stairs.

"She is pregnant isn't she?!" Eddie exclaimed as he walked into Hannah's house. She was stunned but happy that he put it together so quickly. "That's why she ran off, she was not sure who the father is." The words almost choked him, having to say them out loud.

"Wow Eddie, yes. That's why she left."

"I need Jessie's address Hannah."

"Eddie I don't have it."

"Hannah I am not kidding."

"Either am I, really I don't have it, I have spent all night going thru cards and address books trying to find it." Hannah pointed to her dining room table, cluttered with boxes and papers. "I looked online but Jessie is divorced and I don't remember her married name."

"You really have no clue where she is then?"

"Just New York, Jessie lives in Chelsea I think. Trust me Eddie, had I known she as going to pull this I would have never let her out of my sight! Janet is not thinking clearly, these last few weeks have been so hard on her. You and Rooster. And then finding out she was pregnant today, I think she may have lost her mind a little bit. She was so afraid to tell you, she wasn't sure how you would react after what went down in your hospital room that day. She thinks she is saving everyone the pain of waiting but…"

"Hannah, the baby is mine."

"Eddie, you don't know that."

"Yeah I do. I just paid Rooster a little visit."

"Eddie what did you do?" Hannah looked at his fists, the skin wasn't broken or bruised so that was a good sign. Eddie followed her eye line, realizing what she was thinking.

"I didn't beat him up Hannah, God knows I wanted to and he has it coming. I asked him about what happened that night. Well I demeaned he tell me. I told him that she left town because she was pregnant. That she was out there all alone and that he was partly the cause of that. I just wanted to know if he used a condom or not. But I guess the guilt got to him and he told me what really happened. They never had sex Hannah, she passed out and he let her believe…" The anger was building up in him again. "He wanted to break us up so he could be with her."

"Eddie are you serious right now?" Hannah was in complete and total shock. All of this pain and heartache was all for nothing. "That lying bastard!"

"I am completely serious. I am relieved and angry and so many things right now but all I care about is finding Janet and bringing her home."

"Well I don't know how we are going to do that Eddie. I will keep looking in my boxes for some intel."

"Jessie never lived here right?'

"No, she is a little older then Janet, she was away at school when their parents died. She has been here to visit a few times but that's all." A light bulb went off in Hannah head. "RAY!"

"What about Ray?"

"Jessie and Ray are friends, they used to you know back in the day."

"Ok, now I am questioning Jessie's judgment." Eddie said only half joking.

"Hey!" Hannah said offended.

"I questioned yours too. Do you want to call him or should I?"

"I'll call him. He hates you more then he hates me."

* * *

"Ray was a dead end, he said the last time he spoke to her was years ago, right after her divorce and she was living in Brooklyn at the time. He didn't know her married name either."

"Well that's just great, fucking great." Eddie was feeling like a caged animal and tried Janet cell phone again. Her mailbox was full and it went straight to voicemail. "This is crazy Hannah. I am just going to go to New York and…"

"And what Eddie, wander the streets calling out her name. Listen, we are going to find her, let's go down to Providence tomorrow. Her grandparents must have a number for Jessie and they will know her married name." That calmed him, they had a plan.

"What time do you want to go?"

"After I drop Sam off at school. Around nine."

"Ok Hannah, I will see you then."


	7. Chapter 7

Janet finally got the chance to think, really think about what she was doing and all the doubt crept in. This was crazy, running away, hiding. Pretending none of it was happening. This was happening, all of it and she couldn't stop it, she couldn't change it. All she could do was let it happen, let the waves crash over her and hope she could stay on her feet. Eddie face was in her head, the look in his eyes right before he kissed her forehead and said goodbye. It was burned in her brain, quite possibly the last time she would ever look upon him and that is what she would remember. Janet and Jessie cuddled up in the bed, pizza box on their laps. Janet had forgotten that New York pizza is pretty much the best thing on Earth, and for the first time in a while Janet felt herself relax. Far from the Ridge, far from Eddie, far from Rooster. Some how in a few short hours Jessie was able to make everything ok, one decision already made. Janet was going to keep the baby. Up until she told her sister what was going in she wasn't sure. Jessie could always do that, make the bad things go away. She had been doing it for years. Jessie was happy to have her sister so close, the last few months she had been lonely and she was feeling a little lost in the big city. Work had kept her super busy, but it didn't fulfill her the way it once did and her last relationship crashed and burned like the ones that preceded it. Her friends were all moving forward in their lives getting married, having babies and she just felt stuck. So far thirty had not been her year, like her horoscope promised. She wondered what came next. The house phone rang, startling them both. Jessie leaned over Janet and picked up the phone.

"Hello."

"Well well, How are you doing Jessie McMullen?" His voice was so slick, so him. Jessie had forgotten what a jerk he could be, but juts the sound of his voice and it all came back to her. Her skin actually crawled.

"Ray Cataldo, I had a feeling I would be hearing from you." Janet cringed when she heard Ray's name, the ridge reaching her all the way to new York.

"Did ya now?"

"Yes I did, I heard you and Hannah Jane are getting hitched..." She knew they were pretty much broken up but she just couldn't resist the dig.

"That remains to be seen Jess." She could hear the sadness in his voice and it shocked her. Was Ray Cataldo actually capable of an actually human emotion.

"If I didn't know you any better I would say you sounded heartbroken."

"Well, I wouldn't go that far. I would say sad and disappointed but the game ain't over yet."

"Oh is that what Hannah is a game to win?"

"You know I play to win, I don't care who I have to beat."

"Speaking of beating I heard you had Janet's boyfriend beat up."

"I can neither confirm nor deny those allegations." Ray chuckled.

"Ray, seriously. That's what you are stooping to now."

"Hey, look I knew it was happening and I didn't lift a finger to stop it. but I didn't order a hit, I am not Don Corelone. Jesus... Anyway I called to give you a heads up. Hannah called me wanting some intel on you and Janet who I assume is with you."

"I can neither confirm for deny..." Ray laughed and shook his head.

"Touché, Jess. So I told her I have not see you in years, a lie I know but a lie for a good cause I think." Jessie exhaled relieved. She didn't want Hannah to know where she was until she got Janet's head back on straight.

"Thanks Ray I really appreciate that."

"I figured you would. Tell Janet I said hey..."

"Later Ray." Jessie hung up the phone and cringed, throwing it to the foot of the bed. Ray had changed over the years, a coldness grew in him, a meanness at his core and she wasn't sure what was the cause of it.

"You were right kiddo, Hannah called Ray." Janet nodded, wishing Hannah would just let it go, but knowing she wouldn't.

"I figured she would."

"He didn't tell her anything though. I wonder if you are right about Grams and Gramps."

"Yeah, I am right." Janet said sadly. "I know Eddie better then he knows himself.

* * *

"I am sorry Mr. Latekka. Mr. and Mrs. Meadows are refusing to see you. There is not much else I can do." The girl at the reception desk felt bad for turning them away but her hands were tied.

"What about me? Will they just see me." Hannah chimed in, seeing Eddie starting to lose his cool.

"Hold on let me see." She picked up the phone. "What is your name?"

"Hannah Jane Daniels." Eddie and Hannah looked on as she whispered into the phone. They could tell by the look on her face the answer was no.

"I am sorry guys but no."

Gran and Gramps felt awful turning them away but they were just respecting Janet's wishes. She had told them everything that happened, well almost everything and even though they didn't agree with what she was doing they were going to support her in anyway they could.

Eddie stormed out of the nursing home, his body tense unable to contain his anger. Hannah trailed behind him trying to keep up.

"Eddie come on calm down!"

"CALM DOWN Hannah! You calm down. This is such bullshit. She is out there, thinking that she is having Roosters baby. What if she has an abortion."

"She wont have an abortion Eddie, that's not who Janet is. Look we are not done yet we can still try and find her. I sent her an email this morning telling her everything. Maybe she will read it and come home."

"Or maybe she wont." Eddie got into his truck slamming his door behind him so hard that Hannah actually jumped. She dreaded the ride back to the ridge. Eddie drove in complete silence, his head so full. The longer Janet was away the more his anger grew towards her. To just leave, to pick up and run away. To tell her grandparents not to see him or Hannah. It felt so calculated, and he worried that Janet never really intended to come home. That she never intended to tell him about the baby. But that was not the Janet he knew, she had been replaced by this erratic, thoughtless, liar.

"Eddie, slow down you are doing ninety. We are going to get pulled over." Eddie glanced down at the speedometer, stunned that he was going as fast as he was, easing his foot off the gas.

"How could she do this Hannah? How could she?"

"I did the same thing Eddie, so I get where she is at. She is scared and reacting, going into survival mode. When I found out i was pregnant I slept with Gavin and You, I lied to everyone I knew and loved. I have been lying for years. You just think you are doing what's best for you, for the baby, for the father. You think that the truth will only make things worse. That you fucked up so much the only thing you can do is run and hide. She really believes Rooster is the father. I mean you have yet to knock anyone up, in all the years..."

"It was different with Janet...we...were different."

"I hear ya Eddie, trust me I do... but Rooster freaked her out big time. You saw how he was at the fling. I mean it was borderline stalker. And you were so awful to her when she told you the truth the last time. I mean she was a mess. I think she is a little afraid of you now." Shock spread across his face.

"You don't really think that do you?"

"I do Eddie, I do... the week after your break up she was in really bad shape. Just because you guys worked it out does not negate all of that emotion." Eddie thought about that, Janet being afraid of him. The idea that she was scared to talk to him, to be honest with him, made Eddie sick. But he knew that Hannah was right, he used all her insecurity and turned it against her. He had used her weakness and the fact she had opened up to him, and threw it right back in her face in the worst possible away. He began to understand how they got to this place, with so many miles between them.

"What if she doesn't come back?" He finally said, his voice tight.

"You mean like Nick?"

"Yeah...like Nick"

"She will come back Eddie, Nick left running towards something. Janet left running from something. When you run away from something you always look back. She will be back because she loves you."

"Does she Hannah, I am beginning to think that she hates me."

"Eddie, that's not even possible. Trust me."

"Nick loves you Hannah, he always did."

"Yeah, but not enough. I mean now he does maybe, but then not so much. And when I tell him the truth about Sam."

"The truth about Sam?"

"Come on Eddie, you know that Nick is Sam's real father. Everyone knows for crying out loud. The only person who believed the lie was me."

* * *

A week past and Janet made a home on Jessie's sofa, perched there watching daytime TV and eating cheese puffs until she was sick. She ached for Eddie, wondered how he was doing. She wondered if he cared that she was gone or if he was moving on with his life like she told him to. All Janet had was time on her hands, hour after empty hour. The entirety of her relation ship with Eddie playing over and over in her head. Even the years before they got together, the simple times when they were just acquaintances sharing shots and stories after a long day. The moment he asked her out, how confused she was, how excited. The look of shock on his face that he even asked. How stupid she felt after her speech at Hugo's only to find out that Veal was on the menu. The Allison Rowan BBQ, the fight afterwards, the do-over, the kiss at homecoming, everything flooding her brain over and over until she was going crazy. Rory, Rooster, making up finally, the baby, leaving him. Janet was sick of it all, sick of the memories, sick of the tears. She was beginning to wish that Eddie never asked her out at all, that she could go back to that simple time where things made sense. Sure she was lonely, and pathetic and sad but at least she knew where she stood. Now she was lonely, pathetic, sad, heartbroken and pregnant.

"Ok Janet, it is Saturday night, you have been here a week. You haven't moved from that sofa. ENOUGH! We are headed out." Jessie went to her closet and started pulling out things for Janet to wear.

"Jess, I really don't want to, I cant drink..."

"So we don't need to drink to have a good time... I will stay sober in solidarity. We will just eat at some over priced swanky place and then go dancing... When was the last time YOU danced?"

"its been a while..."

"Too long I am sure, come on put this on." Jessie threw her a black dress and boots. "Spit spot... come on..." Janet gave her a lopsided smile, and finally gave in.

* * *

Eddie was going through the motions of his life, work, Sully's. Trying to pretend everything was ok, trying to be Hail Eddie again. A week and not a single word from her, not a word. He was angry, so angry. At her at himself, at Rooster, at Rory. Drinking became his favorite past time, long nights sitting at Sully's drinking shots, missing Janet. Missing her laugh as she ran around the bar, missing her smile as she would pass him his beers, he missed kissing her between the lulls, taking her home at the end of the night, waking up with her in the morning. This was crazy, sitting around waiting for her to call, waiting for her to send an email, it could be weeks before that happened.

"Earth to Eddie." Owen sat next to him, trying to figure out how drunk he was, trying to see what mood he would be in.

"What Owen, what?"

"I just wanted to see if you wanted a lift, I am headed out."

"Nope, I am good." Eddie wasn't near drunk enough to go home.

"Come on buddy, its late. You have been here all night."

"And what business of that is yours?"

"Its none of my business Eddie, none at all." Owen turned and walked away, knowing that Eddie wouldn't take any help, knowing he was dealing with this the best way he could.

"Sully, pour me another would ya?"

"Its not going to help Eddie, not one bit."

"What are you a shrink now Sul, just pour the damn shot and keep your opinions to yourself."

Eddie woke up the next morning in a booth in the back of Sully's. He head pounding, his jaw throbbing and his knuckles broken and bloody. Did he get in a fight, he racked his memory but couldn't remember a thing, His entire body felt like it was made of lead, he could barely lift himself up. He found a bottle of water and aspirin on the table, an undeserved gift from Sully. He took the pills and pulled his cell phone out of his pocket, wondering what time it was. There one a single message from a private number. His heart lept hoping it was Janet.

"Uh, hello. This is Jessie, we spoke once a while ago. Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that Janet is with me and she is OK. I mean she is safe, she's not OK, she is freaking mess. I am sure you are too. I am trying to get her back together and back to you as quickly as possible, but things are more complicated then you can possibly imagine. But she misses you Eddie and she loves you. Just give her some time. Try not to hate her. She is worried about you, but she is to stubborn to call Hannah, so just don't give her anything to worry about. I will try calling you again. Bye."

Eddie listened to the message over and over, maybe if he wasn't so drunk he would have answered it and actually spoken to Jessie. Janet could be on her way back to him now. He was kicking himself for being so stupid, so childish. The message was a comfort, Janet was safe, she loved him and Jessie was trying to bring her home. Eddie had hope again.


	8. Chapter 8

She walked in to Sully's for the first time in weeks and saw him sitting at the bar. His shoulders slumped, his head down. She took a deep breath, exhaling softly before she walked across to him. She could feel the sadness radiating off of him, the feeling that he had simply given up. She felt awful for what he was going through, wishing there was something she could do to make it all go away. Wishing for the words to make it all all right.

"Hey Eddie." Hannah sat down next to him, at the bar. Sully's empty, the lull right before the night crowd wandered in.

"Hey." He grumbled, the burger in front of him untouched, peeling the label off his bottle of beer. She had gone to Gelson first, wanting to check in and see if he was ok. She and Phil chatted for a bit, mostly about Eddie's state of mind. Hannah avoided any questions about Janet and the who, what, where and why of it all. For a while she heard stories of Eddie being an asshole, getting drunk and into fights and then she heard nothing, like Eddie fell off the face of the earth all together. The guys even kept their distance. They really didn't know what was going on, just that he and Janet were off again and she fled to Providence for some space. What they did know was that Eddie Latekka was a mess. An angry, belligerent, broken hearted mess and there was nothing any of them could do about it.

"It's been a few weeks, I haven't heard from you. So I wanted to see if you were ok, Phys told me where to find you." Hannah waved at Sully, who pulled her a draft and placed it down in front of her.

"Yeah. I am fine I guess." He answered quickly and then became pensive. "I mean no, no I am not fine. I miss her Hannah. But there is not much we can do about it can we. She's really gone and I think its for good." Hannah rested her hand on his shoulder.

Janet was gone for nearly two months. Two long awful months. Eddie had gone into a self imposed hiding, he had cut back on the drinking and the time spent at Sully's. Being there without Janet was a constant reminder that she was gone. Work kept his busy, opting to do much of the manual labor on his own, leaving nick to manage the office. He liked getting to bang and hammer out all his anger. The dirt and the demo, and then finishing up, making it all fresh and new. It was something he had complete control over. All the days began to blend into the next, always waiting for Jessie to call again or Janet to come home. Always waiting but it never happened.

"She sent me an email today." Eddie's eyes widened and his heart began to beat faster. It was the first communication Janet had sent Hannah. When she opened her email this morning and saw Janet's name she actually cried. "It was short, just that she was fine and happy. It was from a new email address. I replied and told her everything but I don't know if or when she will check it." Eddie turned cold.

"Did she even ask about me?" He could tell from the look on Hannah's face that she didn't.

"I asked Ray again, I know he knows something but he just isn't saying." Eddie's face hardened at the sound of Ray's name.

"Because he is a spiteful SOB."

"Yeah, but I think its also because he is trying to do right by Jessie and Janet. I mean If only we had Jessie's last freaking name."

"McMullen." Sully yelled out, as he dried pint glasses.

"What?" Eddie and Hannah said in unison, unable to hide their shock.

"Jessie's last name is McMullen. She married some rich sorry son of a bitch who used to hit her." Sully said bitterly. Eddie and Hannah looked at each other, their eyes wide. They never thought to ask Sully. "She lives in Chelsea now, I think. Why?"

"Janet is with her." Sully flung the towel over his shoulder a perplexed look on his face as he made his way over to them. He had met Jessie a handful of times over the years and they took an instant like to one another. She always remember his birthday, and sent him a box full of New York bagels every year. He thought of her and Janet like they were one of his own, he even had their picture in his office.

"I thought she was in Providence. Helping the grandparents."

"No she is with Jessie in NY." Hannah answered, shaking her head.

"Well ain't that something. Wait a minute, you guys didn't know where she was... all this time?" Sully was realizing there was much more to this story. "No wonder…"

"No, its complicated." Eddie answered, throwing his money on the bar. "Sul what did Janet tell you, when she left?"

"I told ya, just that you two broke up and she was going to Providence to help her grandparents, I mean that's what she said. and what I have been telling everyone. Wait, Janet is ok isn't she?" Hannah looked at Eddie wondering if he was going to tell him the truth.

"Sully, she is having a baby, my baby. But the whole Rooster thing…" Anger bubbled up in Sully, if he never heard the name Rooster again it would be to soon.

"That sorry son of a bitch, taking advantage…"

"He didn't really.. They didn't. he lied to break us up." A smile spread across his face.

"If I would have known you guys were looking for her…"

"I know Sully, I didn't even think you knew Jessie."

"Yeah of course I know her Eddie, since they were kids actually. She and Janet are like my own. I knew their parents for years and years when they used to visit the grandparents. And Jessie has been back here a few times over the years. Hannah remember that night, she slapped Ray" Hannah cracked a smile, remembering the sheer look of shock on his face, as the sound of the slap echoed thru the bar.

"That was a great night, it was Janet's twenty first birthday, they next day they went to Mexico." Hannah laughed out, remembering that night made her miss Janet so much more.

"Wait Jessie is the girl that slapped Ray?" Eddie asked, hearing about the story through the grapevine.

"Yup. It was awesome." Hannah said proudly.

"We gotta go Sully and thanks for the information." He finally had a shred of information that would bring him that much closer to Janet and his baby.

"Now we just need to find her address." Hannah said putting on her Jacket.

"I have it. In my office. She sent me a Christmas card last year. I have it somewhere. Give me a minute."

"Holy crap Eddie, I mean all this time and SULLY had all the answers."

"Why didn't we ask him? I mean he knew Janet was gone, he knew we broke up in a way but I never thought to tell him the truth..." Eddie and Hannah decided to let everyone think that Janet was in Providence, it was easier then explaining the truth. Less painful for Eddie and he hoped it would make this less strange if and when she came back.

"Here you go..." Sully returned with her address written on a post it. "I don't have her phone number here at the bar but..." Hannah wrapped sully in a big hug and planted a kiss on his cheek.

"Sully you are the BEST!" She laughed and took the post it while Eddie just smiled.

"I wouldn't want to call anyway, she might take off again. I am leaving tonight Hannah."

"I know, give me a half hour, I will take Sam over to Nick's and we can get on the road."

* * *

"Jessie come on we are going to be late! The movie starts in like 20 minutes" Janet looked herself over in the mirror, she was popping that was for sure and her boobs were getting bigger by the day. She felt great though, her first trimester went fairly easy despite all the stress and sadness. The loneliness of missing Eddie, the wondering what might have been. She tried everyday to start fresh, to push the thoughts of Eddie all the way to the back of her mind and move forward. She loved being in New York, away from the Ridge. It was nice blending, being unseen, unknown. To be in a place where she was not gossip fodder, where she could put the Janet the Planet stigma behind her. She loved being so close to Jessie. It was like they were kids all over again, before their parents died and everything went to hell. They were always stronger together and Janet sensed that Jessie needed her around Just as much as Janet needed to be there .She had gotten a job temping at Jessie's firm a few days a week, she found a favorite deli for breakfast in the morning, and even mastered the subway system.

"Ok, I am ready lets get a move on kiddo." Jessie rubbed her hand over Janet's belly and smiled as they walked out the door. She had tried for weeks to get Janet to go back to the Ridge and work things out with Eddie, but Janet would not budge. And then they fell into a nice routine. Jessie was happy to have her sister back into her daily life, realizing how much she needed her sister. When Janet announced that she was staying put until the baby was born and she knew for sure who the father was Jessie couldn't bring herself to put up too much of a protest.

"What time is it?" Janet asked anxiously

"Its 10 to 12, Janet I highly doubt there is going to be a mad rush to watch a midnight show of On the freaking Waterfront. I know you have a thing for this movie but we are going to get a seat. It's only two blocks away" Janet press the down button on the elevator, over and over until Jessie grabbed her hand. "Would you relax, Jesus."

"It's a great movie and you know it. I don't want to miss the beginning" Janet thought about Eddie everyday, and when she saw On the Waterfront, their movie was showing she knew she had to see it on the big screen. They rode in the elevator in silence. Janet chewed on her thumbnail. She has this nervous energy that she couldn't shake all day.

* * *

Eddie and Hannah walked into the lobby of Jessie's building, they had driven six long hours straight through to get there. I t was just before midnight and Eddie couldn't wait to see her. The idea that Janet was finally so close was making it impossible to focus. Hannah saw them first, standing in front of the elevator, in the middle of what looked like an argument. Jessie and Hannah locked eyes and a huge smile spread across Jessie's face.

* * *

"Janet did you bring a sweater, its going to be cold in the theater and that tank top is not going to cut it."

"It will be fine lets just go." Janet crossed her arms against her chest, knowing that Jessie was right but wanting to see the movie more.

"No Janet cause you are gonna get cold and pull the I'm having a baby card and I will be forced to give you MY sweater and then I am going to freeze, lets just go back up and get YOU A FREAKING SWEATER."

"Jesus Jessie, no its fine I just want to go... I don't want to miss the FREAKING movie... I bet we won't get a good seat as it is…What in the hell are smiling about?"

"Janet, I want you to take a deep breath and turn around for me ok."

"Jessie what are you talking about?"

"Just for once do what I tell you."

Janet looked at Jessie like she had six heads, she took a deep breath and turned around. Stunned when her eyes locked with his.


	9. Chapter 9

Janet froze, her heart stopped, her pulse raced as she and Eddie locked eyes. His deep brown eyes, every emotion he was feeling pouring out of them. A mix of anger, sadness and relief and in one look Janet felt them all. Eddie called out to her as a small smile spreading across his face, as fear and horror spread across hers. But there was also a sense of calm, a sense of home just seeing him again and for a moment she forgot that this huge lie of omission was sandwiched between them line the cream in an Oreo cookie. They were suck in a trance together, their eyes locked until his gaze shifted found its way to her protruding belly. Janet instinctively rested her hands there, turning here body away from him. So desperately trying to hide what couldn't be hidden. Wishing she has that damn sweater after all. No he couldn't see her, not now. She was still so conflicted about what she was going to do, choosing to just ignore it all until the baby came. She heard the ping of the elevator door opening, snapping her out of her thoughts. She reacted on instinct, flee or fight. She ran, pushing Jessie out of the way, knocking her into the wall as she jumped into the

elevator and frantically hit the door close button. As if in slow motion she watched Eddie make his way to her, a pained shocked look in his eyes as the doors slowly closed. His voice calling her name echoed through the marble lobby.

Janet leaned in to the corner of the elevator, her arms braced on the brass rails and took several deep breaths, trying to calm her shaking body and rapidly beating heart. For a few minutes she was safe. What was happening, how did he find her, she had been so careful. She had covered every base, making sure every road would lead Eddie to a dead end. She knew Jessie would never betray her, but then again maybe she did. The last few weeks she stopped pestering her to "Do the right thing" and "tell Eddie the truth" Maybe Jessie did call him. Anger mounted in Janet's mind and she walked down the hallway to the apartment slamming the door behind her. She went to her room and started packing her bags, not really knowing where she intended to do next, where intended to go. Finally giving up the idea of leaving, realizing there was nowhere to hide. Eddie knew, he saw it with his own eyes. Janet sat on the sofa, numb waiting for what she knew was coming. The gig was up, the illusion she had created for herself, the denial the fear, the worry, it was all coming to roost. Just like Hannah said it would. She had no choice now, she would have to tell him the truth.

Eddie stood there in shock surrounded by Jessie and Hannah. He had seen her and she had seen him and she ran. Again. She looked him dead in the eye and still ran away. God she looked beautiful, all tan from the summer and glowy. Her belly, her hair, everything about her, called out to him. And then she was just gone. He frantically pressed the elevator button, trying to will the doors to open.

"Eddie, that's not going to make it come any quicker. Just relax!"

"RELAX Jessie! I have been relaxing, waiting worrying. And here I am 10 feet from her and she RAN! And you, helping her!" His tone was thick with anger and accusation, quickly putting Jessie on the defense.

"HEY, she is my sister, and I will have her back regardless if I agree with her or not. Your hands are not clean in all of this either Eddie, lets not forget that!" He opened his mouth to object, but realized that Jessie was right. Jessie saw the look on his face soften, and she felt bad for him, what a mess the two of them made. "I tried Eddie god knows I tried, but I couldn't make her do something she didn't want to do and guess what either can you. There is way more to this story then you think there is." She rested her hand over his, stilling him. Jessie looked at Hannah "How much does he know?"

"He knows everything, and a few things you don't."

"Like..."

"Like...She never slept with Rooster, he lied the baby is mine." Jessie could not believe what she was hearing, all the drama and the tears were all for nothing. She smiled broadly thinking about Janet finding out this very important piece of news.

"Seriously? Eddie and Hannah both nodded as Jessie started to hit the elevator button as anger pitched a tent in her mind. "SERIOUSLY! That low down son of a bitch and to think I have felt bad for him all this time, because he has been in love with her forever! Wait until I get my hands on the sketchy little bastard! If you only knew what Janet has put herself through these months. And now it was all over a lie." The elevator doors finally opened and the trio made their way up.

"How has she been..."

"Hannah, worse then after mom and dad died, worse then I have ever seen her. I was worried the first few weeks that she wouldn't come out of it, but thankfully she finally did. It was after her sonogram, she wasn't really eating or taking care of her self and the doctor told her that stress could cause a whole mess of trouble. It kind of knocked her out of it."

"Jessie, why didn't you call me, I mean really… I have always considered you my friend…"

"Hannah, I couldn't break Janet's trust, she asked me not to and I promised her I would. She is the only person in the world I trust and vice versa. I wanted to call you, a million times. I even called Eddie once, god I was grateful when I got your voice mail."

Eddie tension mounted with each floor, people getting in an off the elevator slowing them down. "Jesus Christ, I should have taken the fucking stairs."

"Cool down Eddie, you aren't Hail Eddie anymore, twelve flights of stairs would have taken you some time or killed you." Hannah joked trying to lighten the mood. The elevator doors finally opened on Jessie's floor and they followed her to her door.

"Now, Eddie, you need to keep your head. Seriously."

"I know Jessie. I know."

"I know you know. But knowing and doing are two very different things." Eddie nodded. "It's nice to finally meet you by the way." She gave him a warm smile and he nodded again. "Ok here we go." She slid the key in the lock and opened the door for it to be stopped by the chain lock.

"Jesus Janet come on?" Jessie implored. Janet froze, unable to lift her body off the sofa.

"Janet open the door. This is stupid." Hannah called out. Eddie stood there silent, body tense, waiting to hear her voice.

"Hannah, Jessie could you two… I don't know… go somewhere else." They looked at him blankly. "Please." They finally nodded and walked a few yards away leaving Eddie and Janet with the door between them.

"Ok, Janet... I get it, you don't want to see me, you have made they very very clear but you are going to hear me. You know for weeks I was so angry, hating on you for leaving. At first I was confused but then I put it together pretty quickly that you were pregnant. So this whole time knowing that you were out there somewhere, carrying my baby and I couldn't see you or talk to you it made me nuts."

"Eddie...The baby..." Janet interrupted, reaching the moment she was dreading. "I think it's Roosters"

"Janet its mine, you and Rooster you never slept together. I mean you slept together but you never had sex with him. You passed out and he lied." His words rendered Janet speechless as silent tears fell from her cheeks. She stood there clutching her belly as relief washed over her. "If you had any clue what Hannah and I have done trying to find you. You would think in this day and age... would you please open the door Janet." Janet pushed the door closed, and unhooked the chain lock, finally opening the door for Eddie. They stood there silent and Hannah and Jessie watched, waiting to see what was going to happen next.

"I never had sex with him?" She asked wiping away an errant tear.

"No Janet you didn't." Eddie reached out and placed his hand on her belly. "This baby is mine, ours."

"Ours.' Janet whispered in awe of Eddie hand.

"And you have known this…"

"Since the day you left…"

"Oh my God, all this time you knew."

"Yeah." Eddie exhaled deeply.

"You must hate me."

"I did for a while, and then I missed you and then I hated you again. I cant begin t tell you all the things I have felt for you all these weeks but the one thing that I always felt for you was love Janet. I still love the hell out of you. You need to come home. I need you to come home." Eddie voice became choked, doing his best to hold it together as Janet reached up and ran her hand across his cheek.

"Eddie, I love you too but I cant…"

"No, no buts Janet. You are coming home. I don't know what's going to happen with us, but you belong in the Ridge. Your friends are there, I am there."

"Jessie is here, and if you and I are over then, I really don't have a reason to be there."

"We're not over Janet." Eddie said annoyed, she was always jumping to the worst possible outcome.

"You just said that you don't know what going to happen with us." Now she was confused, did he ever say what he meant.

"Yeah, I don't. I have no clue what's going to happen. We have six amazing months followed but four moths of hell. You are stubborn and selfish and you have the worst judgment of any person I have ever met in my life. You don't think you deserve to be happy, you don't believe that you deserve to be loved. And you have made loving you the way a do a nightmare. Most days I don't know if I want to kiss you or kill you. But I do know that all I want is you. So no I have no clue what is going to happen, because you are so unpredictable."

"You're no walk in the park either Latekka, you know. You have more sexual baggage then a Vegas whore house, you think you are walking perfection with your height and your facial hair and baggy jeans. You don't think you will ever amount to more then a fifteen second football play, when you are already so much more then that. And let me to you another thing guy, you never tell me what you are thinking or feeling, so I am left to figure it out, wonder, worry. So I have no clue what is going to happen either!

"Damn it Janet!" He grabbed her, not able to stand the distance between then for another second as he pressed his lips to hers. She tried to push him away, but it was in vain. Once his lips touched hers she was done, lost, unable to keep a valid thought in her head. Jessie and Hannah watched from a safe distance, relieved as they watched Eddie and Janet disappear into the apartment the door slamming behind them.

"You hungry?" Jessie asked with a huge smile on her face.

"Starving and I have a feeling they are going to be… a while."

"Ya think?! There is a diner down the block, makes a burger that will knock you blue."


End file.
